


after i fall

by jessnayl44



Series: under stadium lights [2]
Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-06-26 02:29:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 34,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15653898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jessnayl44/pseuds/jessnayl44
Summary: lexi just can't seem to get her feet under her again after an injury sidelined her for almost 9 months. her physical health might be fine, but in her mind, she doesn't know if she is good enough to join the national team again... especially when they are battling for another world cup win.





	1. the great escape

“make peace with an empty town” 

Lexi stood outside the hotel trying to pull herself together. It had been so long since she was with the national team. Only 8 months ago, she had gone down in this city. She had been out of commission for 4 months working on rehab.

“Wormy wait up!” Lexi watched as Kelley and Allie blew by her into the hotel. They didn’t even notice her. Maybe this was a mistake coming here, she was feeling awkward like her feet wouldn’t carry her into the hotel.

She took a deep breath and walked into the lobby greeted by an all too familiar site. Alex now had her arms wrapped tight around Kelley and Allie was on the other side holding the defender hostage. Julie, Christen, Tobin and Amy were gathered around watching a video on Julie’s phone.

Lexi felt someone hit into her shoulder and the girl in question, Crystal paused when she saw her. “Lexi?!” Everyone froze as if Crystal’s voice carried all across the lobby drawing their attention to her.

Lexi’s eyes fell on Morgan’s who was completely across the lobby with Lindsey and Emily. “You’re back.” Morgan’s voice was the clearest she ever heard.

**_(Flashback_ ** _)_

Lexi woke up, the pain in her leg subsiding drastically from when it happened. She knew as soon as she went down it was her ACL. Luckily, as soon as she got to the hospital they were able to tell her it was just a strain. They still wanted to do surgery though. “Lyss…” Lexi whispered out trying to get anyone’s attention and her wishful thinking got her believing any of them would be there to see her. 

“Hey sweetie…” Amy, Lexi’s mother walked in sitting down on one of the chairs next to her bed. “How are you feeling?”

“Not as bad as I felt after the last one.” Lexi mumbled and groaned seeing the IV. That was the one thing she couldn’t stand seeing needles in her arm. “Mom is anyone here?” Lexi asked sadly, and Amy could feel her heart breaking looking at her daughter.

“Your dad and Ryan are in the waiting room.” Amy offered but sighed when she saw the look her daughter gave her.

  
“Lyss isn’t even here…” Even though the two weren’t together anymore, Lexi would have assumed some of her steadiest friends would come and see her.

“Sweetie, I’m so sorry.” Amy ran her fingers through her youngest girl’s hair. “Kayla and Kenzie send their love, and they will come and see you when your home in Cedar.” 

“I’m not going home mom. I have to get to SoCal. I can rehab there.” Lexi mumbled grabbing her phone off the tray that was to the side and smiled when she saw she had text messages, but it fell when she saw who they were from. 

_Jules:_ Just saw what happened! Oh my god I hope your okay!

_Jules:_ Saw what Chicago posted, call me when you’re out of surgery

 

_Britt:_ Love you Lexi!

_Britt:_ Seriously one of the strongest people I know.

_Britt:_ You’ll be kicking butt on the field in no time.

 

_Carli;_ (Attached 1 Video)

 

Lexi clicked on the video seeing the whole SoCal women’s soccer team in the locker room. “We love you Lexi! Get well soon!”

“They love you Lexi, nothing has ever changed.” Her mom commented. “It doesn’t matter if the Red Stars don’t love you, or the national team doesn’t.”

Lexi could feel tears welling up in her eyes and she rested her head on her mom’s shoulder. “You’re going to heal; both physically and emotionally. It’s jut going to take time”

 

**_(Present Time)_ **

Briefing passed by in a heartbeat assuring everyone that they would be able to finish off the farewell tour and then get to return home to say their goodbyes before the world cup. Lexi didn’t even know how she ended up here.

“Lexi!” The forward felt arms wrap around her, and she instantly froze but turned around to be face to face with Tierna.

“Oh my gosh! I missed you!” Lexi wrapped her arms tightly around the girl thankful that she had at least one friendly face in this mess.

“I haven’t seen you since you were in the hospital. It’s so good to see you walking on your two legs.”

 

**_(Flashback)_ **

Lexi groaned rubbing her face staring up at the clock in the hospital room. After having an allergic reaction, to a medicine she didn’t even know she had an allergy to, she had been admitted to a post OP floor to recover.

“Mom, I told you to go back to the hotel I’m fine.” Lexi muttered hearing the door open knowing she wasn’t due for another round of antibiotics so it couldn’t be a nurse.

“How ‘bout another visitor?” Lexi sat up in bed staring at the familiar face who was standing at the edge of the bed.

“What are you doing here Tierna? Shouldn’t you be in Stanford?” Lexi tried to reason, but she also knew she was craving the contact with not only the outside world but the national team as well.

“I’m on fall break right now. My family and I camp up in Willamette Valley, so when I heard what happened I made the hour drive to see you.” Tierna sat down on the chair next to Lexi’s bed. “I’m glad I got to see you. The nurses were saying that your mom has been playing guard over your room.”

“That’s why I asked her to leave. She was hovering, and I love her but I just… I feel like I need to be alone right now.” Lexi explained and Tierna sat the card down on the tray in front of her.

“Has anyone come to see you?” Tierna asked leaning forward to rub the forwards arm. They had been so close at the beginning of their national team careers. When they began to get comfortable around the team, they had ended up separating Lexi drifting more towards her group and Tierna drifting towards the younger ones such as Rose, Sammy, and Savannah when she was a part of the national team. 

Lexi shrugged feeling tears well in her eyes. “No… I thought of anyone Morgan.” The blonde wiped her eyes as and Tierna rubbed her back gently. “Not that I don’t love that you came to visit. I’m glad to have someone other than family.”

Tierna smiled and shrugged. “You were my first friend in the national team Lexi and I’m never going to forget that.”

Lexi wrapped her arms around Tierna tightly. “Thank you for coming to see me. Hopefully, I’ll be able to see SoCal kick some Stanford ass from the sidelines.”

“Oh come on.” Tierna patted the older girls back. “You’ll be back to playing before any of us know it. You’re stronger than all of us.”

 

**_(Present Time)_ **

Lexi was one of the last ones to get their room assignment. She didn’t want to have to push too many relationships in one day, and if she was honest she would be better off not having to deal with people like Morgan, Christen… and Alyssa until the world cup. 

Dawn shot her an apprehensive look handing Lexi her folder. “How are you feeling?”

Lexi sighed figuring, the few people who were probably going to talk to her would be asking her the same questions. “I’m okay. I’ve been recovering and for the past 3 ½ months I’ve been playing soccer competitively.” Lexi said clutching her folder close to her chest in almost a defensive stance.

“I truly believe you are healthy, I just want to take the time to run through drills with you to trust your knee. A strained ACL isn’t something I want to push before the world cup.” Dawn said, but couldn’t help but smile at the younger girl. “I think everyone is going to love to have you back. Enjoy this tour Lexi.” Dawn said stepping away from Lexi to join Jill and Tony at the front of the room.

Lexi stepped out to the lobby her voice catching in the back of her throat when she saw the group in the lobby. Morgan, Alex, Christen, Tobin, Julie… and Alyssa were all laughing the lobby their folders tucked into their sides. Lexi was starting to question that even though she was physically ready to return to the National Team maybe she wasn’t emotionally ready.

Lexi headed toward the elevators careful not to let the group in the lobby notice her. It wasn’t until she made it to the elevators and into the open one she opened the folder, releasing a breath she didn’t know she was holding when she saw that her roommate wasn’t any of the ones she had escaped from the lobby. 

“Abby… Of course.” Lexi didn’t blame Abby for what happened, but she also couldn’t lie and say there no leftover hard feelings for costing her, her whole senior season at SoCal. Lexi finally made it to her room walking in and was greeted by Abby standing in front of both of the beds her hands shaking nervously.

  
“Lexi…” Abby trailed off. She was relieved to see that the forward had been able to come back after such a bad injury. Abby had never been the cause of someone having such a bad especially not someone she was a teammate with. 

“Abby, don’t apologize.” Lexi shrugged. “My team won in the end.” Abby laughed and sighed. The curse of the shield had been continued when Chicago, with the help of Sam and Julie.

“They wanted to avenge you. I don’t blame them by the way. You should have seen Alyssa as they were taking you off. I’ve never seen her so worried.” Abby stopped when Lexi held up a hand.

“I promise, I will not bring up what happened on the championship if you don’t bring up Alyssa. I’m working on not being upset every time I hear her name, but I need help by not having someone bring her up 24/7.”  Lexi begged.

“Okay yeah I can do that.” Abby quickly nodded and they both turned their heads when the door opened. “Crys and I are going to get coffee. You want to come with us?” Lexi shook her head.

“I’m good, I’ll see you later.” Lexi said as Abby left. Lexi looked at the two beds noticing Abby put her stuff on the bed near the window. Lexi was surprised how many things reminded her of her relationship with Alyssa including the window by the bed in their hotels.

Lexi pulled out her phone, quickly pulling up her group chat.

 

**Lexi:** Made it to the hotel.

**Jewel:** Have you seen her?

**Britt:** Jules!

**Britt:** She probably doesn’t want to see her.

**Jewel:** She definitely wants to see her.

**Carli:** Can you two stop texting in class?

**Carli:** You’re going to get us all caught.

 

Lexi rolled her eyes with a laugh. Carli was always their mom friend, trying to keep the three of them out of trouble. It usually didn’t work but Carli always tried her best, and she was grateful for her three best friends after all they did for her. Maybe Lexi’s mom was right, maybe all she needed was the three of them.  


	2. stronger

“You try to break me but you see what doesn't kill you makes you stronger”

 

“Alright Lexi, I want you to balance on your right leg and then I’m going to throw you the ball once you have your balance.” Dawn started spinning the ball between her hands. “I want you to hit it off your knee and then with your foot. Do you understand?”

Lexi nodded, and then when Dawn waved at her to begin she balanced herself so all her weight was on her right leg. Dawn threw the ball and Lexi quickly bounced it. Knee, foot; knee, foot. Lexi did 12 reps of that before Dawn grabbed the ball holding it to her side.

“Alright let’s go out to the field.” Lexi followed her out to Providence park’s field. The Thorns had 2 weeks’ worth of away games and were currently in a bye week so they opened the field for the national team not only to play there but also to train.

Lexi felt her breath catch as soon as she entered the field. If she could picture it, she could still hear the cheering from the fans as the game started. She could still feel the pain in her leg if she truly thought about.

“Coming back to the place where you got injured is never easy.” Dawn said when she noticed Lexi stopped right at the entrance of the field. “You’re healthy, and you’re about to join us for the world cup.”

Lexi smiled up at Dawn thankful that even though the players weren’t happy she was back, at least someone was proud of her for coming back. “Krieger! Can I see you over here?” Lexi was shocked to see Ali really approaching them.

“Lexi!” Ali said happily sweat dripping down her face. While Lexi was in extra-long conditioning everyone had come out to run drills with their positions.

“Ali! You’re back!” Ali wrapped her arms around the forward.

“So are you. I guess we’re full of surprises.” Ali pulled back ignoring the looks that she got from the people behind them.

“Ali, I’m going to have you and Aubrey come with me and Lexi to run some drills. I want her to get some in game feel with a defender and having to score. Thought you would be best.” Dawn reasoned throwing Ali a ball who caught it quickly.

“Aubrey?” Lexi asked looking over at Ali confused.  “Like the Washington Spirit goalie?”

“Jill couldn’t ignore how good she did during the NWSL season, called her up for the tour instead of AD.” Ali explained as Dawn went to get Aubrey from the goal keepers.

“Wait, what is Hope doing here?” Lexi asked confused seeing the women standing with Ashlyn, Aubrey and Alyssa.

“Jill brought her on as our coach. She’s more of an assistant coach, but I have a feeling she’ll be taking over after the World Cup.” Ali explained, as Aubrey hurried over to the duo.

Dawn followed gesturing to the other side of the field, as everyone compressed onto Jill. “So, it’s going to start with Lexi, Ali I just want you to do your job as a defender and Aubrey I obviously want you to try and stop it.”

Ali passed the ball to Lexi, as the trio moved to the open side of the field that everyone just disappeared from. “Want me to be easy on you?” Ali teased as Lexi held the ball at her feet.

 

“When have I ever wanted you to be easy on me.” Lexi smirked before kicking the ball to start the play.

**_(Flashback)_ **

“Auntie high!” Tyler called out as she pushed him on the big boy swing. Lexi smiled looking over at the playground where Lukas was crawling through one of the tunnels.

“Lukas be careful okay! Auntie can’t run and get you.” Lexi called out to her youngest nephew looking down at her knee that was in a brace after almost 3 weeks after surgery.

Lexi had a week off from college while wild fires were rolling through California so she chose to head to Orlando to see her sister and nephews. Of course, Lexi also wanted to see the smallest member of her family who she currently had strapped to her chest giving her sister and brother in law a break.

“Woof!” Lexi looked up from Tyler when she heard Lukas’s sounds from the playground. “Woof!” He turned around to face Lexi, who stopped Tyler on the swing.

“No way…” Lexi set Tyler down and helped Lukas down the slide by the time the dog and her owners approached them.

The dog, that was pretty much bigger than both of the kids stared at them looking up at their owners to see if she could give them attention. “Is that okay?” Ashlyn looked up at Lexi, who nodded.

Lexi leaned down trying her best to get on her nephews levels. “No pulling, no hitting. Gentle touches okay?” Tyler nodded and Lukas reached for Logan’s fur.

Ashlyn went over to an open field with the two boys so she could undo Logan’s leash and the boys could play with her.

“How are you feeling?” Ali asked walking with Lexi over to one of the picnic tables.

“Recovering. It’s been about 3 weeks, so I’ve been out of the hospital for about 2.” Lexi said undoing the harness so she could grab Evelyn off her chest.

“She is adorable. Niece?” Ali asked, looking at the little girl who was giggling up at Lexi.

“Yeah, she’s 2 months old now.” Lexi said after doing the map in her head. Lexi looked over at Ashlyn and sighed. “Did Alex convince her to hate me too?”

Ali sighed. “Alex doesn’t like when people hurt Morgan. She’s gotten so protective over her,” Ali explained, causing Lexi to shrug. “Morgan is in town. If you want to see her.” Lexi shook her head quickly.

“I don’t know Ali, I think I’m still in my head. I’m not supposed to start rehab for another week.” Ali rubbed her back gently.

“Once you’re on your feet, call me whenever you want someone to train with. We’re going to get you back on that national team.”

**_(Present Time)_ **

Lexi hopped to the ball twisting around Ali’s body to keep the ball in her position. Sweat was now dripping down her forehead having been running these drills for almost an hour. Lexi chipped it over Ali’s head and turned so she had possession over the ball again.

Lexi bounced it again bringing her right leg up to kick it into the goal even as Aubrey dove for it.

“Yes Lexi!” The forward turned to see everyone watching her, and at the center of the group, the one who screamed was Lindsey and Emily who stood there clapping.

“She’s back! It is over for everyone else.” Emily called out causing everyone to laugh.

“Alright everyone!” Jill called out causing everyone to turn to face her at the front of their field. “We are heading back to the hotel for lunch, and then we’re going to be coming back to the field. So go ahead and change out of your practice clothes and we’ll all head to the hotel.”

Lexi was about to walk toward the locker room when she felt someone grab her arm. “Kelley!” Lexi happily hugged the defender.

“Sit with me on the bus. We have so much to talk about.” Kelley begged as they walked into the locker room.

“Absolutely.” Lexi nodded separating from Kelley to go to her locker where her number 12 jersey sat.

“Hey…” Lexi turned around seeing Morgan standing on the other side of Alex’s locker. “That was a great goal. I didn’t know how much I missed watching you score.”

Lexi smiled. “Thanks Morgan.” The forward watched as Alex pulled Morgan’s hand to lead her out of the locker room.

Lexi pulled on her tank top, and was braiding her hair when Kelley approached her. “You ready to go catch the bus?” Kelley asked.

“Yeah, let’s go.” Lexi said following Kelley out to the bus, and sitting next to her. Lexi tried not to make eye contact with Christen who sat in front of them with Tobin.

“I’m sure you’ve seen our new goal keeping coach.” Kelley happily said pulling her phone out of her shorts pocket.

“Yes I have, are you two still together?” Lexi asked remembering how truly nervous Kelley was the last time the younger girl saw her.

“We are, she actually moved out to Utah. She’s helping out with the goal keeping with the Royals, and we’re living together.” Kelley explained. “So it’s new, but it’s awesome, and I love her. So no one’s going to tell me I can’t be with her anymore.”

“You guys are incredible together. I saw her watching you during the water break, and I don’t think I’ve never seen someone with larger heart eyes.” Lexi gushed.

“I have…” Kelley haphazardly said, causing Lexi to sigh.

“Kell, she hasn’t talked to me at all.” Lexi shrugged. “No one really has.”

“Lex, everything is going to work out. Even if you and her don’t end up back together, and you and Moe are never as close as you once were. Everything will work out for the best.” Kelley wrapped her arm around the younger girl, and for the first time. Lexi believed it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have to say i've been loving these flashbacks, but I would really like to know what you guys think! I have chapter 3 written so that should be posted later today!


	3. always on your side

“someplace where all is clear, easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear”

 

Lexi hated the game at Providence park. They had played Costa Rica which wasn’t a huge problem, and they had walked away with a 4-1 win. Lexi didn’t see any playing time, but she also couldn’t lie and say she wasn’t relieved to not have to play there so soon after returning to the pitch.

Heading to Chicago, was not where she wanted to go either. The forward was being used as their selling point everyone excited to see the former Red Star return to Toyota Park when they played New Zealand.

“You excited to be back here?” Julie asked hesitantly as she joined Lexi outside O’Hare airport. Julie and Lexi had sat together the whole airplane ride, and it was about as awkward as anyone would have thought.

“I don’t have great memories the last time I was here.” Lexi shrugged, not caring how petty it sounded, but she had been thankful Alyssa wasn’t around.

“Lexi, we all felt bad about how we treated you. Alyssa especially.” Julie argued trying to get the younger girl to show any sort of emotion toward her.

“You guys never showed it. That’s all I wanted Julie, was to know you guys felt bad.” Lexi shrugged as others started to gather around them and the bus pulled up. “I don’t need it anymore.”

 

**_(Flashback)_ **

****

“We need to go see her.” Christen argued from her spot on Alyssa’s couch. She was surrounded by everyone; Julie, Tobin, Morgan and Alex. The only person who was missing was Alyssa.

“She doesn’t want to see us.” Morgan argued her knees pulled up to her chest watching the championship that they had on the TV.

“You don’t know that.” Julie said and went to move to comfort the younger girl when Alex beat her to it, joining Morgan on the floor and pulling the midfielder into her side.

“We treated her like shit since the Chile friendlies, Julie…” Alyssa muttered causing everyone to jump. Alyssa had been almost completely silent since the championship and everyone was worried about her. “Why would she want to see us?” Alyssa shrugged before turning around to go back into her room.

Julie looked around the room seeing everyone’s crestfallen face and stood up to follow Alyssa. “Lyss, can I talk to you?” Julie asked seeing Alyssa just standing in her room.

“I feel like no matter what I say you’re still going to talk.” Alyssa muttered going to the right side of the bed grabbing some of the things off the side table; such as lotions, perfumes and even 2 small hand sanitizers. Julie sat down on the left side grabbing the teddy bear that was on the middle of the bed.

“You’re punishing yourself for Lexi getting injured.” Julie said sitting up on the bed trying to ignore as Alyssa would grab random things from around the room and throw it into a pile.

Alyssa shrugged moving to the clean clothes she had in the basket to grab the grey red stars kit tossing it into the same pile. “No I’m punishing myself because I made her feel all alone in Chicago the time leading up to her being injured, because I broke up with her when I should have fought for our relationship. I’m blaming myself because I could have at least made her last times in Chicago happier than they were.”

Julie sighed. This was one of the things she was worried about. She had watched Alyssa and Lexi fall hard and fast for each other and even the blonde didn’t see an end in sight for the couple. Their breakup was something that shocked even the national team. “Alyssa, what are you doing?” Julie asked as Alyssa went into the connecting bathroom and camp back with bottles of different products.

“She left some stuff here, I just… I need to get rid of it.” Alyssa muttered disappearing into the bathroom again to get one of the smaller trash bags.

Julie sighed standing up and setting the bear down behind her. When Julie set her hand down to push off the bed, she pressed the bears paw and a voice she hadn’t thought she would hear for a very long time rang out through the room. “I love you!” Lexi’s voice came from the bear, and Julie could see Alyssa’s eyes instantly feel with tears as she sat the bag down sitting on the edge of the bed.

Julie quickly stood up wrapping her arm around Alyssa hugging the goal keeper. “I miss her Julie… I miss her so much.”

“We all do.”

 

**_(Present Time)_ **

****

“Sorry.” Lexi mumbled running into someone as soon as she exited the briefing room. Compared to being in Providence, Lexi was one of the first ones to get their folder and get out of the briefing room.

“Its… uh It’s okay.” Lexi looked up quickly making immediate eye contact with Alyssa who looked awkwardly away.

Lexi sighed squeezing her eyes shut. “Uh... sorry again.” Lexi muttered before hurrying to the elevators.

It wasn’t that she wasn’t ready to face Alyssa, but she had barely been ready to face anyone on the national team, certainly not her ex-girlfriend. Lexi pulled out her piece of paper that gave her roommate and room number. Lexi’s breath caught in her throat, seeing Morgan’s name on the paper as her roommate.

She may not be ready to face her Chicago past, but it didn’t seem like Chicago would let her get away with not facing them.

_          _          _

 

Morgan didn’t go to her room right away. Once she found out she was rooming with Lexi, though she was excited to get a chance to talk to her. “I just want to get something before we go don’t let me forget.” Morgan said as she sat across from Alex at one of her favorite coffee shops in Chicago.

“What do you want to get?” Alex asked reaching across the table to grab Morgan’s hand. The couple had left their bags were in Alex’s room back at the hotel.

“Figured I could bring Lexi a coffee, start this part of the trip off right.” Alex rolled her eyes. “What is that for?” Morgan asked setting her coffee down on the table.

“If what you told me is true, then she shouldn’t be mad at you in the first place.” Alex reasoned. After what happened between Lexi and Morgan, it had taken Alex a long time to pick the pieces of her girlfriend back up, and she hated Lexi for making the midfielder feel the way she did.

“She doesn’t even know what happened, at least I don’t think so.” Morgan looked down at the table.

“Will it be any different if she did know?” Alex asked leaning back in her chair to cross her arms.

“No… She’ll always be my person… even if she didn’t want me there when she was going through recovery.”

_          _          _

 

Lexi had just finished sending a quick email to her manager, Will about the upcoming NWSL draft. After the too early release of her leave from Chicago, she had fired Matt and hired Will near the end of her SoCal season. “Morgan…” Lexi stood up hearing the door open, seeing her old best friend carrying a to-go cup of coffee.

“Peace offering?” Morgan handed her the coffee. One of the reasons that the coffee place that her and Alex went to was one of her favorites was because Lexi and her always went no matter what.

Lexi half smiled taking the coffee from Morgan. “Thanks…” She trailed off taking a sip of the coffee and sighing happily flopping down on the bed. “God, I forgot how much I missed this coffee.”

“Can we talk Lexi?” Morgan asked after Lexi set the coffee down on the side table. “I know that it might be 9 months too late but I need to talk to you.”

Lexi sighed looking over at Morgan. Morgan, who had convinced her to move to France. Morgan, who she drove in the middle of the night just to come and get moved out of her house. Morgan, her best friend. “Yeah, we do need to talk.”

Morgan hesitantly walked over to Lexi’s bed sitting on the foot of it. “I just want to say that I’m sorry for not trying to reach out as much as I did. You were my best friend and were going through probably one of the worst injuries we could get as soccer players.”

Lexi sighed rubbing her eyes trying to stop them from tearing up. “You were the second person I asked about when I woke up from surgery… The first person was Alyssa… and you weren’t there Morgan. I wanted you to be there.”

Morgan looked confused. “She never told you?” Morgan asked.

Lexi furrowed her eyebrow at the older girl. “Whoever told me what?”

Morgan sighed. “Okay… just promise you’ll listen… to the whole story.”

 

**_(Flashback)_ **

****

Morgan stirred gently in her chair, careful not to make her back any sorer than it already was. She had been staying the chair for almost 24 hours waiting to hear anything about Lexi, and how her surgery went. As soon as Morgan saw Amy stop talking to the doctor she stood up. “Is… Is she okay?” Morgan asked hesitantly before Amy could wake up her husband or son.

“She’s fine.” Amy brushed by Morgan.

“Once you guys see her… is there anyway…” Amy quickly turned around cutting Morgan off from her question.

“So now that she’s hurt you want to play best friend again?” Amy approached the midfielder who all of a sudden felt smaller. “She doesn’t want you guys around anymore. Go and tell all of your friends that.”

Morgan felt her heart breaking. “Please, can you just… Can you give her this?” Morgan handed Amy a card. “All the Red Stars made it and signed it. We just want to make sure she knows we’re there if we need her.”

“Of course Morgan, I’ll make sure she gets it. Just let her recover. She needs it after everything you all have put her through.” Amy brushed away to the other section of chairs.

Morgan looked down and grabbed her Chicago jacket off the back of the chair. She should have known this was a worthless attempt, and it left her feeling even worse than before she came.

 

**_(Present Time)_ **

****

“You… You came to see me.” Lexi looked up at Morgan her eyes completely filled with tears. “I never said I didn’t want to see you.”

“Hey, hey I know I know.” Morgan wrapped Lexi in a tight hug rubbing the younger girls back. “I should have just said I wanted to see you, but you were just coming out of surgery and I didn’t want to push you.”

“I miss you, Morgan.” Lexi mumbled into her shoulder. “I miss having you as my best friend, and if I’m going to survive this world cup. I’m going to need you.”

“You’ve had me since the moment you came back.” Morgan pulled away from Lexi who now had a watery smile.  “So are we back to being best friends again?” The midfielder asked hopefully.

“Best friends? More like sisters.” Lexi said happily, feeling like some of the weight she carried with her was subsiding.

“Well if we’re talking like sisters again, then I need to tell you something.” Morgan leaned on her heels at the foot of Lexi’s bed.

“What is it…” Lexi asked pulling her knees up to her chest.

“If you’re ever going to move on from what happened… I think there’s someone you need to make it right with first.” Morgan said haphazardly.

“Can I work up to her?” Lexi asked picking at her finger nails a nervous habit she had picked up since she had gone back to college.

“Are we talking about the same person? I was thinking that Christen should be next.” Lexi let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding.

“Yeah… Yeah I’ll talk to Christen first.” Lexi smiled.

Things may not be as good as they used to be, but she was making progress and that was all that mattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not gonna lie i did get a little emotional writing through the first flashback. this is really the turning point for Lexi's relationships with her teammates again! next chapter should be out tomorrow or the day after! hope you all enjoyed!


	4. everywhere you look

“when you're lost out there and you're all alone a light is waiting to carry you home”

 

Lexi took a deep breath playing with the hem of her jersey that was still in her locker. When they were at Providence, she didn’t even dress Jill insisting that she wanted to keep her healthy for Chicago. Getting in her kit seemed like a large next step.

“Hey, you got this.” Morgan came up behind her resting her hands on Lexi’s shoulders. Morgan was already dressed Jill choosing to play the Chicago players which included Alyssa, Julie, Morgan, Casey and Danny who had gotten called up during world cup qualifying and had pretty much solidified a position with the national team.

“Lexi is going to score tonight I feel it.” Emily said from where she stood pulling her jersey over her head. The rest of the lineup was pretty similar to Portland including Sonnet, Kelley, Becky, Alex and Pinoe.

“You think Lexi’s going to score every night.” Lindsey shoved Sonnet playfully but still shot a cheeky smile to the forward. “But I agree, she can score in Chicago.”

“I had two goals in Chicago.” Lexi smiled before taking a deep breath and grabbing her kit.

“You should know; everyone is super excited to see you.” Danny said from her spot on the couch. Danny was all dressed as well using the extra time to lean onto Sofia, enjoying their time together. “We all want to go out after, because we leave tomorrow. Everyone’s invited, but I know the Red Stars would love to see you.”

Lexi smiled pulling her shirt over her head to begin changing into her kit. “That sounds awesome.” Lexi pulled the kit over her head knowing that this tour would be her last time to wear this current kit as Jill already let them know they would be getting new ones for the World Cup.

“Alright girls!” Carli called out to them. “Let’s get lined up.” Morgan followed Alex out as Lexi finished pulling her hair into a tight braid.

“Hey…” Lexi quickly turned around as she added one more wrap to her braid being face to face with Alyssa. “Good luck out there. You’re going to do great.”

“Thanks… So are you.” Lexi smiled before heading out the door to join their line.

_          _          _

Lexi could barely handle the cheers that Toyota Park gave her as she came off. She waved up at them when she got subbed off in the 60th minute for Mal. Maybe it was the high of a brace she was coming off of.

New Zealand had been a hard opponent; Lexi was honestly baffled by the fact that they hadn’t made it to the world cup. Lexi had managed to slip past Abby Erceg for a goal in the 13th minute, and then 2 minutes later slip by Katie Bowen for another goal.

The US had gone on to win the game 3-1 after a goal from Kelley that Lexi held an assist from. Lexi was feeling like she was standing on air as she stood at a high table in The Hideout, a bar that the Red Stars frequented.

Currently, a small band was playing up on stage as Lexi stood with Morgan, Lindsey and Emily. “Okay, Jill thought she had her forwards all figured out, but you’re going to make her question everything.” Emily explained taking

Lexi rolled her eyes with a laugh. “I’m not ready to be playing any longer than a sub.” She explained. “Pretty sure I’m going to regret playing 60 minutes tomorrow.”

“You played your heart out though.” Morgan rested her head against Lexi’s shoulder who leaned back against the midfielder.

“God I’m glad you two are back to being friends.” Lindsey laughed at Morgan and Lexi who both glared at her.

“Oh my god you’re back!” Lexi had realized Morgan let her go too late before someone else had her arms wrapped around her back.

“Nikki!” Lexi happily turned around to wrap her arms around the older women. “I didn’t expect you to still be in Chicago!”

“I’m not leaving.” Nikki shrugged with a laugh. “Especially this season. I’m getting so much playing time with Danny and Moe being gone at the world cup.”

“Where’s Sam?” Lexi asked as Nikki joined the trio at the table having not seen the other half of the couple in the bar.

“Australia called a camp in while you guys are on tour. Trying to even out the playing field I guess.” Nikki shrugged. “Do you have any idea who’s going to try and get you in the draft?”

Nikki’s question drew the attention of Lindsey, Emily and Morgan who were having their own conversation. “Uh… Chicago technically owns my rights. Will is trying to get them to release it before the draft.” Lexi started. 

“Would you come back to Chicago?” Morgan asked causing Lexi to sigh.

“I have a lot of memories in Chicago. Some good, some great and some horrible. I think I need to get to another team see how they are, but I still don’t know. I could get into the draft and Chicago could get me.”

Nikki leaned forward a smirk playing on her lips. “Who do you want to go to?”

“Ever since I came to the NWSL, I’ve wanted to go to Utah. There’s a part of me that wants that team more than anything.” Lexi admitted. 

“You’d fit in perfect in Utah.” Nikki said before Vanessa came up grabbing her arm. “I’ll be back okay!” 

Lexi sighed with a smile watching the Red Stars all out on the dance floor dancing horribly off beat. “I’ll be back. I need some fresh air.” Lexi said to the trio standing around her pushing the door open to the bar. 

One thing she liked about The Hideout was that it was right by the water. Whenever nights would get too long at the Hideout, her and Alyssa would find themselves out by the water desperate to get alone time.

Lexi’s phone vibrated, and probably just in time to pull herself out of her memories probably just in time. “Hey mom.” Lexi mumbled, she had yet to talk to her mom since Morgan’s confession yesterday.

“Hi Sweetie. We just got a letter from Ryan to you, and we want you to get it. You guys are going to Orlando on this little trip right?” Amy asked.

“Yeah, just send it to Kayla she can bring it to the game.” Lexi muttered holding her phone between her ear and her shoulder to pick at her nails. 

“And how is your trip going? How are you having gun?” Amy asked before shushing her husband and one of Lexi’s coworkers.

“Mom, why did you tell Morgan that I didn’t want to see anyone?” Lexi asked finally holding her phone now firmly. 

“Sweetie, you were a mess. You weren’t thinking clearly. All that talk about missing them all came from the pain meds they had you on.” Amy reasoned.

“You don’t get to decide that! I wanted my friends there because I was a mess!” Lexi could feel angry hot tears coming up to her eyes. “I wanted Alyssa there and I don’t know if Morgan told her that I didn’t want them there.”

“Lexi you are over reacting. I think I know what’s best for you.” Amy argued back with her daughter.

“I’m 22! You don’t know what’s best for me! I do! Just… I need to focus on soccer. I will talk to you and dad later. Love you.” Lexi mumbled before hanging up and setting her phone next to her.

“What’s going on little sister?” Christen asked sitting down next to Lexi letting her feet dangle so they were hanging just above the water.

“I wanted to see you guys, Christen. I always wanted to see you guys.” Lexi quickly wiped her tears away.

“I know you did, we just… we wanted to know you were okay but after Morgan told us what happened.” Christen sighed looking over at the younger girl. “You’ve changed so much…”

Lexi looked over nervously at Christen. “Not in a bad way.” Christen quickly recovered. “You’re a lot stronger than you were the last time you were here. You clearly love this sport a lot more.”

“Christen when I went down. I thought that was it. I thought that there was no way that I was coming back to soccer. If there was even a shot of me being able to come back, I wasn’t going to let it go by.” Christen hesitantly wrapped an arm around Lexi hugging her tightly.

“I’m so glad your back Lexi. Not having you for world cup qualifying. It was just so weird.” Christen explained as Lexi rested her head on Christen’s shoulder. “No one wanted to even mention your name or anything to do with your injury. Lindsey didn’t even want to practice at Providence. No one knew what to do we just missed you.”

“I missed you guys too. I wish I would have reached out it was just, I thought when you guys didn’t come and when no one texted.” Lexi shrugged but she couldn’t put exactly what she was thinking into words.

“That’s in the past now. C’mon let’s go inside.” Christen said helping Lexi stand up from the concrete.

“Actually, I think I’m going to head back to the hotel.” Lexi said looking back to the bar. “Can you tell Moe?”

“Of course. Are you okay?” Christen approached the younger girl letting her eyes drift down to Lexi’s knee.  

“Yeah I’m just tired. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.” Lexi wrapped Christen in a tight hug. “Thanks big sister.” Lexi whispered causing Christen to laugh.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Christen waved before heading into the bar.

_          _          _

“Fuck where is it?” Lexi asked out loud digging through her backpack in search of any sort of pain medicine. She knew she could go to Dawn for any sort of pain meds but there was also the worry that the women would send her home.

Lexi flopped down onto the bed pulling out her phone and pulling her messages up typing in Morgan’s number.

 

 **Lexi:** Do you have any pain meds? Ibuprofen? Advil? Tylenol?

 **MoeMoe:** No sorry sweets

 **MoeMoe:** Just asked Linds and Sonny they don’t either

 **MoeMoe:** Are you okay?

 **Lexi:** Yeah

 **Lexi:** No?

 **Lexi:** My leg just hurts. Really don’t want to let Dawn know.

 **MoeMoe:** Ice it? Please? Just to make me feel better.

 **Lexi:** Yes mom, don’t worry about me.

 **Lexi:** Enjoy the rest of your night.

 

Lexi sighed flopping down onto her bed. Her room at national team camps was always known as the black market pharmacy. They always had pain meds, cold meds or anything anyone needed to avoid telling Dawn. 

It finally dawned on Lexi who she could ask as she pulled out her phone pulling up messages she hadn’t touched in almost 10 months. She just couldn’t bring herself to delete them.

 

 **Lexi:** Did you go out with the team tonight?

 **Alyssa:** No, just getting some rest

 **Lexi:** Any chance you have anything for pain?

 **Lexi:** I must have forgotten it.

 **Alyssa:** Yeah…

 **Alyssa:** Are you okay?

 **Lexi:** My leg just hurts.

 **Alyssa:** What’s your room number?

 **Lexi:** 309

 **Alyssa:** I’ll be right there.

 

Lexi sighed setting her phone down and quickly getting into her pajamas. She couldn’t remember the last time her and Alyssa had been so formal. It almost drove her more insane than not having any contact.

Lexi jumped when she heard a knock on the door. She had been so absorbed in her own thoughts that she hadn’t even realized such little time passed. “Hey…” Lexi said as Alyssa handed her the bottle of Advil. 

“I uh I got you this too.” Alyssa mumbled holding out a granola bar.

“You remembered…” Lexi started.

“That you need to eat when you take Advil or you feel sick. Of course I remember Lex.” Alyssa hadn’t even noticed the nickname slip seamlessly out of her mouth.

“Can… Can we talk? Morgan probably won’t be back for a while… if at all.” Lexi said knowing there was a possibility Morgan would stay with Alex tonight.

“That… That sounds good, yeah I’d like that.” Alyssa said running her fingers through her hair. 

“Come on in.” Lexi held open the door for Alyssa and when Alyssa stepped in she took a deep breath. 

This was the next step that was needed… if she was ever going to move on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There were no flashbacks in here, but in the next two chapters there will be quite a bit of flashbacks from both Lexi and Alyssa. Hope you guys are enjoying and the next chapter should be up either tomorrow or the next day!


	5. thinking out loud

“your smile's forever in my mind and memory”

**_(Flashback)_ **

“Thank god your back.” Ryan muttered from Alyssa’s kitchen. Alyssa rolled her eyes with a laugh. “I’m serious. She’s been driving me crazy.”

“That bad, huh?” Alyssa asked setting her bag on the chair in the dining room. “Where is she?” She asked after taking a quick peek into the living room expecting to see her girlfriend on the couch.

“Your guys room. She had a doctor’s appointment yesterday, and he said that she needed to rest more if she’s hoping to be healthy for the Orlando game.” Ryan explained grabbing his wallet and rental car keys off the counter. “So she is all yours now, I have a hotel right down the road.”

“You can sleep on the couch if you want. You don’t need to spend the money on a hotel.” Alyssa insisted, but Ryan shook her offer off.

“I have to say, I’m craving a bed and not having to worry about Lex every time she gets up.” Ryan said already heading towards the door.

“Thank you Ryan. If no one else would have been able to stay with her, I would have ended up leaving the Red Stars too.” Alyssa thanked but Ryan again shrugged it off.

“She’s my little sister. Taking care of her is kind of my job… but it gets old very quickly.” Ryan added with a laugh as he left the apartment.

Alyssa sighed staring down the small hallway that led to her room. She was only away from Lexi for only a few days but with her being hurt it made it seem so much longer.

When Alyssa opened the door to their room she could barely make out Lexi’s sleeping form on the bed. The whole room was dark with the fan going and the blackout curtains pulled tightly. As if she needed to be any darker, Lexi also had the comforter pulled over her head.

Alyssa smiled kicking off her shoes and sliding in behind the younger girl, wrapping her arm around Lexi’s waist to pull her closer.

“Hi baby.” Lexi mumbled tilting her head back slightly so Alyssa could press a soft kiss to her head.

“I thought you were asleep. I’m sorry if I woke you up.” Alyssa whispered to the younger girl but she was thankful that she got to hear the younger girl’s voice after a few days apart.

“I heard you come in…” Lexi mumbled turning so she could bury her face in Alyssa’s neck. “I missed you so much. You’re never going to be able to get rid of me you know that?”

“Not a problem.” Alyssa mumbled into Lexi’s hair pressing multiple kisses to the younger girls’ hair. “I want you around forever.”

 

**_(Present Time)_ **

****

Lexi could not feel farther away from Alyssa. They had spent the whole first part of their relationship with Lexi being in France and Alyssa in the US. Yet, Lexi never felt farther away than when she was sitting at the head of her bed and Alyssa at the foot.

“I’ve wanted to hate you this whole time.” Lexi mumbled finally breaking the silence that they had been sitting in.

“I should’ve fought for us Lexi. I should have never let us break up in the first place.” Alyssa said sadly making eye contact with Lexi for the first time she entered the room.

“I wanted you there Alyssa. You were the only person I wanted to see when I woke up from surgery… and you just weren’t there.” Lexi could feel herself getting worked up but she refused to let herself cry anymore.

“I should have been there, I know that. Morgan asked me to come with her, and I just…” Alyssa sighed knowing she had no excuse for not being there when Lexi needed her. “I was a coward. I was too scared to face you.”

“Because we broke up?” Lexi asked sadly. “You were too afraid to see me cause we were over?”

“Yes, okay? Is that what you want to hear?” Alyssa asked standing up pacing in front of Lexi’s bed. “Not only that but I was terrified… I was terrified that I was going to get there and you were going to not want to see me.”

Lexi sighed tilting her head up to the ceiling. “And then Morgan told me what happened with your mom.”

“I wanted to see you guys. My mom lied about that.” Lexi quickly cut Alyssa off. The younger girl still couldn’t believe what her mom had done, and for the past hour she had been wondering if anything would have changed if her mom would have just let her see Morgan.

“I know that now, and I’m sorry for not knowing that in the first place.” Alyssa finally stopped pacing resting so her back was against the dresser.

“Ryan is deployed again.” Lexi said after a moment. “If I didn’t need you after my surgery I definitely needed you when I went to say goodbye to him…”

“Lex…” Alyssa didn’t even care hat the nickname slipped out as she approached Lexi. This time instead of sitting at the foot of the bed she sat next to Lexi but still far apart so they wouldn’t be touching.

“I called you, I only let it ring once, before I chickened out because I couldn’t just call you because I was upset.” Lexi quickly rubbed her eyes trying to stop the tears from forming.

“Lex you could always call me you know that, I know how close you and Ryan are. Do you guys know when he’s coming back?” Alyssa asked hesitantly.

“He’s supposed to come back in December just in time for Christmas.” Lexi said looking up at Alyssa sadly. “His goodbye was the hardest it’s been in a very long time.”

 

**_(Flashback)_ **

****

Lexi was standing there talking to Kenzie, Callie posed on her hip. The babies were the only thing getting her through this day. She had finally gotten out of her brace, and now she was having to face another tremendous loss. Everyone had gathered in North Carolina where Lexi’s brother was being deployed.

“All the long faces! What’s going on?” Ryan asked coming up behind Kenzie and wrapping his arm around the older girl.

“Shut up Ry… you know this is always hard on us when you leave.” Kenzie argued but still returned her older brothers hug. People used to comment all the time that the relationship between Kenzie, Kayla, and Ryan always threw them off insisting they didn’t have the typical step sibling relationship.

“I’ll be okay. I’m always okay.” Ryan smirked looking over at Lexi before taking Callie from her arms.

“Stop talking like that Ryan, you can’t always say that.” Kayla said approaching the trio with baby Evelyn strapped to her chest.

“Oh come on not you too.” Ryan laughed running his thumb over Callie’s cheek who giggled and grabbed onto her uncles’ thumb.

“You’re going to miss so much.” Lexi finally said. She had barely talked to anyone all day from the hotel to breakfast to the base. “Who am I going to watch the World Cup with?” Lexi asked sadly. Kenzie sighed grabbing Callie from Ryan’s arms.

“We’ll be over by mom and dad okay?” Kayla said following Kenzie over to where their parents were with Kai, Aiden, Tyler and Lukas.

“You don’t need anyone to watch the World Cup with cause you’ll be there.” Ryan insisted resting his hand on the younger girls shoulder.

“Ryan I’m not going to be healthy.” Lexi started before Ryan raised his eyebrows at her. “What is that look for?”

“Lexi you weren’t supposed to play your senior year. At the very least only half the season.” Ryan reasoned. “If you think a tear is going to keep you out for a long time your crazy. Ellis will be busting down the door to get you back.”

“You won’t get to see me come back…” Lexi mumbled looking up at her brother who laughed.

“I’ll always be there Lex. I might not be there in person, but you know I’ll always be watching over you.”

 

**_(Present Time)_ **

****

“He’s okay obviously. He’s always okay.” Lexi finally spoke after a minute. “My mom has a letter that she’s sending to Kayla for the Orlando game.”

Alyssa could feel her heart breaking for her ex-girlfriend. She had gotten to know Ryan very well through the course of her relationship with Lexi, and she knew how close the two were. “He’s probably so proud of you. I know we all are.”

“I’ve missed you so much.” Lexi finally admitted. She had been feeling the absence of the older women in her life since the championship. She had never admitted it out loud fearful that as soon as she said it, she would become weak enough to crawl back to Alyssa.

Alyssa sighed running her fingers through her hair. “I’ve missed you too. It’s been really nice to see you again.”

Lexi smiled at the older women before sighing. “Can I have a hug?” Alyssa laughed before shifting on the bed to pull the younger girl into a tight hug. “Ugh, I missed this too.” Lexi mumbled burying her head into the crook of Alyssa’s neck.

“I missed it too.” Alyssa mumbled before tightening her hold on Lexi to try and get her as close as possible.

Before they could separate from their hug, which neither of them wanted to do, the door to Lexi’s hotel room opened. “What are you two doing?” Morgan’s voice broke the two apart blushes creeping up the both of their cheeks.

“Nothing!” Lexi quickly said pulling away from Alyssa. “Lyss just dropped off some advil for me.” Lexi didn’t even notice the way Alyssa’s nickname slipped almost seamlessly from her lips.

“Yeah, I was just heading out.” Alyssa said standing up and grabbing her room key from the dresser. Lexi followed her to the door as Morgan went into the bathroom mumbling something about a likely story. “Do you want to sit next to me on the plane to Utah?” Alyssa asked as she stood in the hallway with Lexi in her room.

“I’d love that. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.” Lexi smiled at the goal keeper.

“Make sure you take your Advil, and eat something.” Alyssa added.

“Okay Lyss.” Lexi smiled before shutting the door.

For the first time since their breakup, Lexi had butterflies in her stomach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the first flashback was from the first back when lexi had her concussion! i did miss writing these two, and in the next few chapter's we will be getting more into them again! hope you guys are enjoying!


	6. when i look at you

“I know I’m not alone”

 

“Lex… we’re here.” Lexi could hear Alyssa’s voice breaking through her nap. She had meant to spend the airplane ride talking about everything that had happened between them, but the trip to Salt Lake proved to be too long especially after staying up most of the night with Morgan talking about what the midfielder saw when she walked in.

Lexi looked up realizing her head was resting on Alyssa’s shoulder and Alyssa’s fingers were threading through her hair. It almost seemed so normal and if Lexi could picture it, it was like they never broke up at all.

“I don’t want to get up.” Lexi muttered but sat up anyways rubbing her eyes. “Thanks for being my pillow.”

“Always.” Alyssa reached up grabbing Lexi’s backpack, finally a SoCal soccer backpack compared the fraying backpack she had during the Chile friendlies.

“And always getting my bags cause I’m too short to reach them.” Lexi smiled pulling her backpack over her shoulder.

“Can you two stop flirting and just make out already? Everyone on the plane can feel your sexual tension.” Emily said as her and Lindsey walked by her.

Lexi instantly blushed. She knew that people were going to assume everything about Lexi and Alyssa’s new friendship… relationship? She wasn’t sure where exactly they stood.

Alyssa rolled her eyes at the dup. “Not that you two would ever know if we did.” Lindsey and Emily feigned offense but laughed when they saw Lexi who was standing behind the trio with wide eyes and a deep blush on her cheeks.

“Sorry about them…” Alyssa whispered looking over at the younger girl as Emily and Lindsey continued down the hallway of the airplane. “Figured it would shut them up.”

Lexi smiled rolling her eyes at Alyssa. “That usually works. Now come on. I need to get off this plane.” Lexi pushed Alyssa gently who laughed and led them out of the plane.

_          _          _

 

“So what? Are you two trying again?” Morgan asked from her bed. Lexi had been laying in Morgan and Alex’s shared room since they had gotten in. Morgan had insisted that they needed to talk.

“We haven’t even talked about it. She’s coming with me tomorrow night after practice to dinner with my family.” Morgan shot Lexi an exasperated look.

“Seriously? Why don’t you guys just kiss and say you’re back together?” Morgan asked causing Alex to cast a look at Morgan that she had barely been listening to the younger girls conversation.

“Cause it’s not so easy.” Lexi rolled her eyes. “I’ve been hating her for the past 10 months and now I’m supposed to just welcome her back?”

“When you’re in love with someone as much as you’re in love with Alyssa? Yeah.” Morgan said causing Lexi to stand up and sigh.

“Moe I just don’t know… I just… I need to go clear my head. I’ll see you two at dinner.” Lexi said before waving at the couple as she exited the room.

_          _          _

 

“She still loves the family.” Kenzie commented the next night as Lexi sat with her at a picnic table. Instead of going out to eat, they just decided to stop at a deli and find a park where Callie and Lily their Australian Shepard could run around.

Currently, Kenzie and Lexi were watching the baby (if you could even call her that anymore) run around after the dog who was never running fast enough to actually run into her. They also kept looking over at Aiden and Alyssa who were sitting in the grass in distance to Callie if she needed someone.

“I’m hoping the family still loves her.” Lexi side eyed her sister waiting to gauge her response. Her sister had been shocked, Lexi forgetting to mention to the middle sister that Alyssa was going to come up with her.

“It’s nice to see you smile again. Last time I saw you before your injury… you were a mess. You were two minutes away from staying in Colorado, instead of at a hotel until…” Kenzie looked like she was thinking about something. “Nikki… she volunteered to room with you.” Lexi nodded. When she came to Utah, she was in the middle of not talking to Morgan, Julie, Alyssa or Christen.

“That was a long time ago. We still aren’t where we need to be to get back together at all.” Lexi explained as the dog approached the two flopping down panting as the young girl stood in the field pouting that her friend had left her. “But I think we’re getting there.”

“Just please be careful okay?” Kenzie asked reaching over to grab her sisters arm. “I don’t want to see you hurt again. Big brother isn’t here to beat anyone up.”

Lexi laughed rolling her eyes. “Big sisters are though.”

“You bet your ass they are.” Kenzie laughed too before Alyssa approached with Justin and Callie now tucked into her dads shoulder.

“We should probably head out to get back to the hotel.” Lexi nodded to Alyssa standing up to take Callie from Aiden.

“I’ll see you tomorrow my little red head.” Lexi ran her fingers through her nieces light red hair. “Sleep good for mommy and daddy.”

Kenzie and Aiden were spending the night in a hotel an hour away from the stadium to they wouldn’t need to make the drive to Utah again tomorrow. It was also the first time they would be sleeping in a hotel with Callie.

“Drive safe and text me when you get to the hotel, okay little one?” Kenzie asked hugging Lexi tightly.

“I will mom and I’ll see you tomorrow.” Lexi added before jumping away from Kenzie’s slap. “Come on Lyss.”

_          _          _

 

The game at Rio Tinto, if she could rank it in the past 3 games was definitely number 2. Chicago would always hold her spot after scoring a brace and returning to Chicago. There was just something about playing in Rio Tinto that got her feeling good.

If anyone would ever ask it had nothing to do with the goal Lexi scored, and getting to see her niece in a jersey that was obviously way too big for her. Kenzie had assured her she would grow into it by the next world cup.

It had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Laura Harvey had pulled her aside after the game and said she was excited to see her recovered. She also told her to let Will know there would be emails about her in his inbox by the time the Farewell tour was over.

Now she was coming off that high, the next morning as everyone sat in the airport terminal waiting for their flight. Jill was passing out their tickets, finally stopping at their group taking in the sight. Lexi, Morgan, Christen, and Ali were all leaning against their significant others, or well in Lexi’s case her ex, while Kelley was sprawled out across the floor currently being swallowed by a University of Washington sweatshirt.

Everyone, including Jill, knew where it came from.

“You are our first boarding. I kept you all together, but you know that you don’t need to stay in your seats.” Everyone happily took their tickets. “Kelley, can I talk to you for a moment?” The coach said waving Kelley away from the group.

Kelley looked nervously at the group before following Jill away to where Hope was sitting. Kelley and Hope both seemed to match each other’s nervousness. “What is this about?” Hope asked her eyes jumping between the defender and the coach.

“Your relationship.” Jill finally said after a moment.

“I don’t think that’s any of your damn business.” Hope stood up feeling Kelley place one of her hands on the older women’s stomach.

“Baby calm down.” Kelley mumbled but even she herself was worried about what their head coach was going to say.

“Hope I want for you to be our assistant coach after the world cup. I’m going to step down and Tony is going to take over.” Jill admitted. She hadn’t want to come out and say it to anyone until after all the papers were signed, but she knew she had to at least mention it to the former player. “If that happens…”

“The relationship would be considered a liability.” Kelley finished staring up at Hope sadly. They had just made everything work and now it seemed like they were being forced apart again.

“Only if you don’t out with it to the Federation. If you have proof that your relationship began Hope was named any sort of coach to the national team, there shouldn’t be any problem.” Jill explained seeing Kelley and Hope relax.

“We have that. We have plenty of proof.” Kelley said talking more to Hope than to Jill right as the announcement went off for the first boarding of their plane. “I’ll see you later okay?” Kelley asked not caring about Jill’s presence when she pressed a quick kiss to Hope’s lips.

_          _          _

 

“We’re sorry for the delay. We are still awaiting an update on the engine repair. We thank you for choosing American Airlines as your gateway from Salt Lake City to Orlando.” A chorus of groans echoed through the plane.

Lexi groaned pressing her head into Alyssa’s shoulder who had her arm around the younger girl. “Lyss, we’ve been sitting here for 4 hours…” Lexi whined causing Alyssa to laugh.

“I wish I could fix it.” Alyssa was feeling lack of sleep from the previous night creeping into her but she was hoping to stay awake until the plane at least took off.

“Alright everyone!” The whole national team peaked out watching Jill stand at the end of the plane. “I’m going to come around and pass around room assignments because their expecting this delay to at least be another hour or 2.”

“Nooooo.” Everyone laughed as Sonnett, dramatic as ever cried out throwing her head into the back of the seat in front of her causing Rose to turn around and glare at her.

“So when we finally get to Orlando, we’re going to go straight to sleep so we have time to practice tomorrow. No briefing, you’re going to get dinner sent up to your rooms. Just try and not drive each other crazy this delay.”

By the time Jill had handed out all the folders everyone was already crazy. Lexi grabbed her folder and set Alyssa’s, who had gone up for a quick meeting with Hope, Aubrey and Ashlyn on her seat. Lexi opened the folder not sure who to expect this trip. She so far had; Abby, Morgan and Aubrey for roommates, and she enjoyed the chance to get to know Abby and Aubrey who she wouldn’t have had the chance if they weren’t forced together.

Lexi felt her breathe catch in her throat as she saw the name of her roommate. “Who are you rooming with?” Morgan asked turning around in her chair to face the young forward. “I have Mal so that’s going to be fun. Why do you look like you’ve seen a ghost?”

“I’m rooming with Alyssa… I don’t think I’m ready for that…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the delay in this chapter! i've been working on packing for college and just have run out of hours in the day. i do have chapter 7 in progress but it probably won't be uploaded until sunday. hope you all enjoyed!


	7. your song

“how wonderful life is while you’re in the world”

 

Kelley was great at sleeping on planes. You almost had to be when you were travelling as much as they did. She enjoyed the feeling of movement, and the plane provided enough white noise to allow her to sleep. It’s why she liked sitting with Becky on planes. Becky never wanted to talk, opting for a more relaxing route. Normally Kelley would at least spend the first 30 minutes of the flight annoying Becky but today was different.

After 4 hours of sitting on the tarmac, they were still waiting on some mechanics to come and take a look at the engine. Kelley had been trying to get comfortable, eventually giving up and scrolling through her private Facebook. She had different pictures pulled up but she was upset to see most of her couple pictures with Hope were from before their break.

“Kel… Everything is going to be okay.” Becky mumbled sitting up cracking her neck. Kelley had briefly filled Becky in when the older defender joined her on the plane. “She’s sitting up there… if you’re this worried… you need to talk to her.”

“Always my captain.” Kelley said giving Becky a quick hug before standing up. She had her soccer blanket, something that her mom had made her for long soccer trips when she was in middle school, wrapped around her as she approached Hope’s seat. The older women had her feet on the other seat, reading a book that Hope would probably insist that Kelley read, but would go unopened in their Utah apartment. “Scooch.” Kelley tapped Hope’s foot gently.

The older women looked up at Kelley raising her eyebrows, but seeing the sleepy look on her girlfriends’ eyes, she opted for no snarky comment as she shifted her feet, and set the book down. “Come on sweetie…” As soon as Kelley sat down, Hope pulled her close. “Is something wrong?”

“What if we don’t find evidence?” Kelley asked after a minute as she leaned her head into Hope’s neck basking in the warmth from the former goal keeper.

“Then I won’t accept the position.” Hope said as if it was the simplest thing in the world. Kelley sat up so quickly the top of her head collided with Hope’s chin. “Fuck Kel what was that for?”

“You are not giving up something like this for me…” Kelley argued with Hope who rolled her eyes. “Hope I’m serious. This is something you’ve been wanting for forever… You can’t just give it up for me.”

“I lost you because of my actions before Kel… I’m not losing you again.”  Hope argued, trying not to make eye contact with the younger girl.

“I don’t want you to miss out on this because of me.” Kelley tried her best to argue as Hope just pulled out her book again.

“I’d rather have the girl of my dreams.” Hope said before placing a soft kiss to Kelley’s head and opening her book again leaving Kelley to sit their flabbergasted.

“I…” Kelley began but was caught off guard by Hope’s statement. After being with Hope for a few months before their breakup, Hope had never said those random cheesy statements. “Well after saying that you can at least cuddle me.” Kelley mumbled tucking herself under Hope’s elbow blocking the view of the book.

Hope eventually set the book down on the tray adjusting Kelley so they were in a more comfortable position. She could only hope that everything worked out for the best.

_          _          _

 

“Stop kicking my seat.” Christen turned slightly looking at the gap between the plane and her seat to look at her girlfriend who was sitting behind her. Once Allie boarded on the 2nd boarding group, she practically begged the forward to sit with Tobin. Christen had just rolled her eyes with a laugh joining Megan in the seat ahead of them much to Tobin’s seat.

“She wanted to sit with me and all she did was fall right asleep.” Tobin pouted causing Christen to turn around standing up in the spot between her seat and the one ahead of her.

“You said you wanted to sleep anyways.” Christen looked down at her girlfriend who was wrapped up in one of Christen’s blankets from home.

“I wanted to snuggle with you…” Tobin continued to pout and it was taking all of Christen’s power not to laugh at the older women. She may be 30, but her behavior sometimes rivaled that of their younger members of the team.

“Oh my god, you two keep that up your going to give me a cavity.” Megan commented pulling her headphones out of her ears. “Allie! Get your butt up.” Megan shook the blondes shoulder causing her to wake up with a jolt.

“What are you doing?” Allie asked rubbing her eyes, her vision bouncing between Tobin, Christen and Megan who was now standing like Christen was.

“Sit with me, Ms. Press over here is boring.” Megan pointed her thumb at the forward next to her who looked momentarily offended until she realized what the older forward was doing.

“Ugh, fine. You owe me though. I was enjoying my beauty sleep.” Allie commented before they did a quick seat shuffle resulting with Christen and Allie’s seats being swapped. As soon as Christen as sitting down next to Tobin, the midfielder burrowed her head into the other girl’s neck.

“Are you doing to try and sleep now?” Christen asked feeling the older women’s lips plant a soft kiss to the flesh she could reach.

“We’re going to be here forever.” Tobin argued trying to get as close as possible to the older women but the seat rest between them wouldn’t allow it.

“Time will pass quicker if you sleep.” Christen commented rubbing Tobin’s back. If she was a cat, Tobin would have been purring the way her eyes were almost closed, and she hummed gently. Everything had been going well for almost a full year with Christen being back in the states.

Even though they didn’t see each other as much as they wanted, it had just made the moments they spent together like these so much better. “Are you going to sleep, baby?” Tobin asked but her eyes were already getting heavy being back in the familiar arms.

“I have a new audio book I’m going to listen to. Then I’ll probably go to sleep.” Christen said setting her phone down on the tray in front of her.

“I love you Christen.” Tobin mumbled pulling the blanket tighter to her, reveling in the fact that she was completely surrounded by Christen’s scent.  
“I love you too baby.”  Christen planted a soft kiss into the midfielder’s hair running her fingers gently through the brown locks. As soon as she was sure the older women was asleep, she grabbed her phone and plugged in her headphones, hoping to at least get through the next few chapters before takeoff.

_          _          _

 

“You’re not very comfy…” Morgan complained trying to get comfortable against Alex’s shoulder. After calming Lexi down, Morgan had tucked herself into Alex’s side trying to at least get some sleep while they sat and waited for the plane to take off.

“Shut up.” Alex muttered turning slightly so instead of the younger girl being right on her shoulder she was tucked more into the crook of her neck.

“What’s going on with you? You’ve been weird ever since we got on the plane.” Morgan commented tilting her head up so she was face to face with her girlfriend.

They had come so far since Morgan returned during last year’s SheBelieves Cup. Alex had been more open with their relationship, with Morgan spending most of the off season in Orlando, except for the week the couple spent in Georgia where Alex met Morgan’s family this time as a girlfriend.

“Serv is going to be in Orlando when we get there.” Alex mumbled her eyes tilting up to meet Morgan’s. Her and Serv didn’t have a bad breakup in any sort of sense. They had both decided it would be better to end the relationship, and Servando did know about her new relationship with Morgan.

That didn’t mean that Alex was in too much of a hurry to have to see her ex-husband and current girlfriend in the same area any time soon. “Hey… we don’t need to do anything you don’t want to. If you want to go home and see him and Blue, you can.”

Alex couldn’t believe how lucky she had gotten with Morgan. Both had come off of marriages that just hadn’t worked out; Alex’s had been civil, Morgan’s not so much. Yet the younger girl was so loving in their relationship, and had taken things so slow, when she knew the older women needed it that she could never think of pushing her away ever again.

“He wants to see you… like as my girlfriend not my friend.” Alex added. She was proud of how far she had come. When her and Morgan first started flirting and doing whatever it was they had been doing, she was too scared to even hold the younger girls hand around her Orlando team mates.

The national team had been different. She had grown up in the national team and the people she had there were the closest people in her life including Kelley, and Morgan. “That is completely up to you, he can’t force you and I’m not going to invite myself.” Morgan said rubbing Alex’s back gently.

“How did I get so lucky with you?” Alex looked down at the younger girl who simply blushed and buried her face in the forwards neck. “Moe, I’m serious it’s like fate changed our lives and I don’t know about you but I think it’s for the better.”

“I love you…” Morgan mumbled pressing a soft kiss to Alex’s neck right where she knew would make the forward squirm. “I’m so glad everything changed. You’re the only one I want to be with.”

“Well, stop that then, or we’re never going to get to share a room or sit next to each other.” Alex scolded but there was all a playful tone in her voice when she felt Morgan’s lips on her neck.

“I dare her to do anything about keeping us apart.” Morgan smiled before stopping her gentle attack on Alex’s neck, and curling up next to the forward.

“I would never let her. I’m never letting you go.” Alex mumbled before both settled hoping the next time they woke up they would be in Orlando.

_          _          _

 

“Yeah, we’re going to be staying at home…. Thank you so much for watching her you’re a life saver… Feel free to sleep, I don’t know how long this plane delay… Okay, yeah that’s fine. Goodnight!” Ali hung up the phone allowing her head to flop against the back of the seat.

“Who was that?” Ashlyn asked sliding into her seat next to her girlfriend. Ashlyn was excused from the meeting with Hope, as her former team mate told her to get some rest before her start tomorrow, and was going to spend more time talking to Aubrey and Alyssa.

“Christine was just wondering what our plans were for this part of the tour. I just told her we’d come home and give her a break from Logan.” Ali leaned her back against the wall of the plane stretching her legs out to drape them over Ashlyn’s lap.

“I’m so glad your back with the national team…” Ashlyn muttered running her hands up and down the defenders legs.

“I just feel like it’s some kind of sick joke. Like when she makes the roster for the actual World Cup it’s going to be oh whoops! Sorry forgot about you.” Ali confessed her brown eyes flicking up to meet her girlfriends.

“If that happens, I’ll whoop her ass.” Ashlyn smirked pulling her girlfriend close so Ali had to pull up her knees, her butt resting just on the other side of the arm rest.

“It’s just nice to not be separated all the time. We’re together for club, country and just obviously together.” Ali ran her fingers through the short brown hair.

“I know you’re waiting for a ring, Al…” Ashlyn mumbled after a few moments of Ali running her fingers through the older women’s hair. The defender froze pulling away from her girlfriend slightly, but still where they were connected. “And I promise, it’s coming soon. I just want to do it somewhere special.”

“Ash…” Ali ran her thumb over the younger girls cheek leaning into press a kiss to the goalie’s cheek. “I don’t need anything special, I just need you.”

“I know you don’t need anything special, but you deserve something special.” Ashlyn settled in against the seat shooting a smirk toward Ali. “Don’t worry Al, I have a plan.”

Ali rolled her eyes but settled into her girlfriend’s shoulder. “Don’t let Pinoe get involved.” She tried to ignore the way that the goalkeeper tensed awkwardly. “At least… don’t let her cause too much trouble.”

_          _          _

 

“Thought you’d be asleep by the time I got back.” Alyssa commented sliding into the seat next to Lexi who jumped.

“Oh… uh no can’t sleep.” Lexi was playing with the corner of the folder that was sitting on the tray, and she could feel her whole body tense up when Alyssa grabbed her own folder and opened it.

“Oh…” Alyssa trailed off looking over at the younger girl when she saw Lexi’s name under the roommate section. “I can get Jill to change it, it’s probably an easy fix.” Alyssa was about to stand up when Lexi grabbed her arm.

“I don’t want to switch rooms… I may not be 100% ready.” Lexi said and when she saw Alyssa was about to speak up she held up her hand. “I have to try and be 100% ready though. I don’t want Jill to think we can’t be anywhere near each other because we used to date.”

Alyssa nodded looking over at Lexi with a small smile. She would never tell the girl but it had seemed like she was so different than the last time she saw her before the injury. She watched Lexi yawn trying to get comfortable in the small seat. “Hey… come here.”

Lexi thought for a quick moment to protest but she was too tired to come up with any convincing argument as she laid her head down on Alyssa’s shoulder. The older women grabbed the blanket from behind the younger and wrapped it around her rubbing Lexi’s back.

It didn’t take long for Lexi to fall asleep wrapped in Alyssa’s warm hold. For the first time all tour. It felt as if she was home again.


	8. back to december

  
“how you held me in your arms that September night” 

“Kayla, I’m going to be fine.” Lexi dipped her toes in the pool, feeling the stress of the plane ride starting to disappear. Alyssa had volunteered to take Lexi’s bag up to their room, when the younger girl insisted she didn’t want to go up to the room right away.

“Lexi you cried every night…. And no that wasn’t the pain you can’t fool me.” Kayla argued to her younger sister. Lexi spent most of her recovery when she wasn’t at school in Orlando, so Kayla had seen Lexi break down and build herself back up. She wasn’t looking forward to the fact that she may have to pick her baby sister back up.

“Everything just seems normal again Kay… I don’t know it’s like I want to be with her again.”

“No! No no no.” Kayla interrupted her sister, and Lexi could hear Kai groan annoyed that his wife was on the phone so early in the morning.

“Kayla, I’m not saying I’m jumping back into bed with her, but just talking to her… it’s nice.” Lexi said drawing little patterns into the tile of the pool floor.

“I don’t want you to get hurt again Lex. You were destroyed all of us saw it.” Kayla said after a moment and a door shutting. Lexi had assumed she had gone out to the patio to leave Kai alone.

“I was destroyed because I loved her, and at that time I didn’t think she loved me… Kayla I know she loves me now.” Lexi heard her sister take a deep sigh.

“Lexi, if you think this is what’s best for you that’s on you. Just know that no matter what, I’m going to be there to pick up the pieces if something goes wrong.” Lexi smiled, looking towards the lobby knowing she had to go and get some sleep before they had their practice today.

“I know sissy, I love you okay? I will see you either tomorrow or the day after.” Lexi said before saying some quick goodbyes and hanging up the phone.

Lexi spent the next few moments pulling up her pictures and scrolling through them not realizing she had made it to almost a year ago.

It was varying pictures of her and her Chicago team mates. Her and Morgan spending a day at the waterfront with Danny and Vanessa when they first joined the team. Pictures of her apartment that she had sent to her mom and dad when she got all moved in. Pictures of the places her and Alyssa explored throughout the Chicago during their date nights.

Pictures that Lexi took of Alyssa when she was positive that the older women wasn’t watching. Lexi smiled, knowing she could tell where each of these pictures were taken.

 

**_(Flashback)_ **

 

“Stop taking pictures of me.” Alyssa mumbled turning her attention from the TV in their living room to Lexi who was sitting on the opposite side of the couch. Lexi looked up from her phone with a smirk playing on her lips.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Lexi muttered tucking her phone in between herself and the seat cushions.

“Come here, you wanted to watch this.” Alyssa pulled on Lexi’s arm gently pulling the younger girl into her side. “What is this anyways?”

“It’s Gilmore Girls! I’ve been waiting for this marathon.” Lexi argued tucking her head under Alyssa’s chin.

“You know it’s on Netflix right?” Alyssa started but was quickly hushed by Lexi as the show began again. The older girl was quick to press a soft kiss to Lexi’s head allowing the younger girl to continue to watch the show.

**_(Present Time)_ **

Lexi stood up smoothing her shirt down and taking a deep breath. “I love her.” She said out loud all be it to no one in particular. One thing was for sure, she was getting back to Alyssa before they went to France, no matter what.

_          _          _

 

“Sorry that you guys didn’t get to see me play.” Lexi said standing around the stadium with her sister and her family.

“It’s totally fine. We’ve been watching the games.” Kayla said before rolling her eyes at Lexi’s grabbing motions and passed her, her daughter who clung to her aunt. “And you’ve been doing amazing. You can’t even tell that you came back from injury.”

“I’ve had awesome support.” Lexi turned to look towards the tunnel where there were still people coming from signing autographs. Morgan was attached to Alex’s back laughing as they talked to Danny in the tunnel.

“Oh! I almost forgot!” Kayla dug into the diaper bag pulling out an envelope and handing it to the younger girl.

“Thank you…” Lexi took the envelope twirling it between her fingers. It had been a while since she had any sort of contact with Ryan and she missed hearing anything from her oldest sibling.

“Lex!” Morgan cried causing the younger girl to turn around. “Come on! Jill has something to tell us.”

“Go ahead, we will see you in Cedar before France.” Lexi quickly hugged all of her family before passing her niece to her sister.

“I love you guys.” Lexi said keeping her arms around her sister for a little longer. “Thank you for always being on my side.”

_          _          _

 

“Columbus!” Rose happily clapped her hands together. For their next stop on their trip, that should have been Washington to play at Audi Field, followed by Red Bull Arena Jill sprung on them that changes had to be made, and now they would be going to Columbus to honor the season ticket holders of both Sky Blue and Washington.

The argument had been that both stadiums were too small for the crowds they were expecting so a quick change was needed. Rose was happy about it, getting to go home and play for a hometown crowd…. Everyone else just had to act like they were okay with it.

Now everyone was relieved to get back to the hotel, still half dead from what Lexi believed to be the longest flight in history. “Haven’t been back to Columbus since… god since SheBelieves.” Lexi commented laying down in the hotel that night.

 

“You showed up with snow in your hair.” Alyssa turned her head to look at the younger girl who was now sitting up.

“The lyft driver called us lovebirds.” Lexi commented running her fingers through her hair electing tonight to keep it down instead of wrapped in a braid, or a bun like usual.

“Even back then people could tell…”

“Before we even could.” Lexi finished for Alyssa who nodded.

“Goodnight Lex… Get some sleep. You’ve been exhausted since Utah.” Alyssa mumbled before turning away as Lexi laid back down.

“Crap…” Lexi mumbled digging into her bag at the side of the bed grabbing the letter from Ryan. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.” The forward said even though she was sure Alyssa was fast asleep.

Lexi found her way to the hotel’s lobby riding an awkward elevator ride with 2 older men who kept staring at her only in short black shorts and a SoCal soccer shirt. The 2 older men had walked to the bar while she sat at one of the chairs opening Ryan’s letter.

 

_Lex,_

_Before I get too deep and too sappy into this letter; I’m fine, the squad is fine, Zeke is fine (and flirting with every girl dog he can fine). We’re getting moved to a new base in the next few weeks so writing might be a little spaced out but I am going to watching the World Cup. Speaking of the world cup when I talked to mom she said that Ellis called? What did I tell you… she’s beating down your door to get to you again. I’m so beyond proud of you Lexi, considering how hard you worked to even get back to running again._

_So I guess this is where I’m supposed to tell you all the big brother rules again. That you are better than anyone who has ever broken your heart. But I’m sure that Kenzie and Kayla have told you all about that. So I’m going to tell you something that Kenzie has always told you. Love people. They may have hurt you when you left, but you don’t know the full story. Fight for people like Morgan, and even Alyssa. If you want to let them back in you can. Your job at the national team is to play soccer, but Lexi you can’t do it all alone._

_Now that being said I’m still your older brother, and anyone who hurts you will be having a strong talking to as soon as I get back on home soil. Which no, I still don’t think I’m getting out any earlier. It still looks like I’ll be home for Christmas and we’ll celebrate your world cup win, and the hat trick you’ll inevitably get. You can tell me all about France, and the girl I’m sure you’ll be with by the end of it._

_I will try and skype when you’ll be in Cedar. I don’t need to tell you more than once that I’m proud of everything you’ve done. You grew up telling me that I was your hero, and has a 16 year old who barely had his life together? This little girl helped make me confident enough to do anything. But now? I’m looking up to you Lex. You are the strongest person I’ve ever met, even after I spent all this time in the army._

_I will write as soon as I can and hopefully talk soon._

_Love,_

_Ryan_

Lexi could feel tears welling up in her eyes as she grabbed the pictures Ryan had sent as well. The pictures ranged from him, his squad and Lexi’s favorite; his German Shepard Zeke. She had to get upstairs before tears actually started falling.

The girl elected to take the stairs even though her legs were killing her she didn’t want to get stuck in the elevator with anyone while she was feeling emotional. Luckily, her room was only on the 4th floor, and right by the stairs.

“You okay?” Alyssa asked sitting up when she heard the door open, and even in the dark she could see the tears in Lexi’s eyes.

“I just…” Lexi sat down on the edge of the bed leaving the letter and pictures, that were tucked neatly into the envelope. “I miss Ryan, I loved seeing my sisters but he just gives the best advice…”

“And the reason I can’t sleep since Utah…” Lexi continued not giving Alyssa a chance to speak. “I can’t sleep in the same room with you and not be in your arms, and it’s not your fault because I don’t want to be ready to be in your arms again, but I am way more than ready.”

Alyssa moved over to the other side of the bed so she was on the side closest to the window. “Come here…”

“Lyss…”

“Come here…”

Lexi stood up tucking herself into the other bed, and smiled when she felt Alyssa pull her into her arms tucking Lexi’s head underneath her chin. “Get some sleep…”

For the first time since her fall, Lexi finally felt like she was where she belonged.


	9. right girl, wrong time

“cause she was the right girl”

 

“Why are you freaking out over this?” Sonnett asked from her spot sprawled out on the bed. Lexi was currently in the bathroom applying a different shade of eyeshadow for the 20th time since they had been up in the room.

“I’m asking Alyssa to get back with me at probably one of the most romantic places I’ve ever been with her.” Lexi said from the bathroom finally deciding on a light gray eyeshadow that didn’t show too much makeup but enough to show Alyssa she was trying.

“Yeah you’re going to have to work so hard.” Morgan rolled her eyes from her spot next to Lindsey on the opposite bed. The duo, who were sharing a room had received an SOS text from Sonnett when Lexi began freaking out about makeup, and dresses, and shoes.

“You’re going to mention getting back together and Alyssa is going to automatically agree.” Lindsey agreed from her spot. “It doesn’t matter what you wear or how you look. Alyssa loves you.”

Lexi sighed grabbing her white dress from the bed that Emily was on. Morgan had brought it over, in an attempt to get Lexi to pick the ‘perfect’ outfit and it had worked. “I need us to work out this time, and it needs to start tonight…”

“Well go get changed, and then I’ll do your hair.” Morgan said shooing the younger girl into the bathroom to get dressed.

“What if it doesn’t work out?” Emily whispered to the other two once they were sure Lexi was in the bathroom.

“It will, those two love each other. Lyss has wanted her back since the moment she got back with the National Team.” Lindsey assured Emily, but even she was worried how Lexi would react if for some reason Alyssa changed her mind.

“Well? What do you guys think?” Lexi said coming back in the main area. The dress fell just above her knee and right at the hem were cut outs of what could only be described as flowers.

“I’m thinking how the hell do you pull off my clothes better than I do.” Morgan started.

“I’m thinking if Lyss doesn’t scoop you up by the end of the night I will.” Sonnett joked, and Lexi rolled her eyes with a laugh as she grabbed her hair brush and sat down at the end of the bed in front of Morgan who began working on her hair.

“I missed you guys. I don’t know how I survived 8 months without the three of you.” Lexi commented as Morgan worked on pulling her hair into a tight bun purposely leaving some fly aways.

“We should get a connecting room in France.” Sonnett said causing Lindsey to nod in agreement with the other two rolling their eyes.

“I’m sure Jill would die before letting us all try and room together during the world cup.” Morgan commented grabbing one of Lexi’s flyways and twirling them around her finger tightly and holding it there.

“Besides if tonight goes well, I’m probably going to end up either rooming with Alyssa or in Alyssa’s room every night.” Lexi commented a smirk playing on her lips causing Lindsey to let out a whistle.

“Already trying to get some action huh little one?” Lindsey grinned hanging over the bed upside down.

“I mean, I have to leave the tour after this game.” Lexi admitted causing Morgan to pull on her hair a little tighter. “Ow! What was that for?”

“Why are you leaving? Did Jill kick you off the tour?” Emily asked before Morgan could even comment.

“With the psychology department at SoCal, we have to do a certain amount of internship hours before we can walk the stage. I wasn’t sure if I was going to make it before graduation.” Lexi started but she couldn’t hide the smile on her face as she spoke. “I got the call while we were in Orlando, right before we left. My hours went through, and walking is on Thursday, so 4 days I’ll be a college graduate.”

Morgan released the 2nd fly away marveling in the curl that it produced leaving all of Lexi’s flyaways perfectly curled. “And Jill’s not holding it against you or anything?”

“I actually told Jill I wanted to stay here, but Jill told me she wasn’t going to let me do something I never thought I would do.” Lexi explained. “Besides you guys will all be playing for the NWSL once you guys get back. I’ll graduate, spend some time at Cedar, and if I get the call… I’ll pack.”

“If she gets the call, this girl is unbelievable.” Emily started but was interrupted by a knock at their door.

“That’s Lyss…” Lexi stood up grabbing her shoes, a pair of teal flip flops adding a pop of color to her otherwise plain color scheme she had. Lexi quickly pulled on the flip flops, shooting her friends a quick smile. “I’ll see you guys at 16 bit bar okay? And I’m hoping to be back in a relationship.”

_          _          _

 

“I just can’t get over how incredible you look.” Alyssa commented as they walked through the conservatory. The older girl was genuinely surprised when they pulled up to the familiar gardens, and now they were enjoying the weather compared to how it was last time.

“You don’t look so bad yourself,” Lexi commented turning around so she was walking backward down the empty area they were in. The garden was relatively quiet but busier than Lexi was expecting.

Lexi, while walking backwards, wasn’t paying attention when she slipped on an area that was wet from watering the plants. Alyssa was quick to grab onto her arm pulling her close to keep her from falling. The irony of the whole moment caused Lexi to laugh, reveling in the fact her and Alyssa were so close… and that Alyssa hadn’t let her go.

“You saved me again.” Lexi giggled leaning her forehead against Alyssa’s whose hold lessened on her arm but moved down to her waist.

“Can I kiss you again?” Alyssa asked hesitantly her thumb playing with the fabric of the younger girl’s dress.

“I’d be upset if you didn’t.” Lexi smiled before Alyssa closed the distance their lips.

Kissing Alyssa hadn’t changed in the little less than a year since they last kissed. The kiss brought back all memories, from their first one in Houston, to their last one that they shared in the hotel in Southern California.  It brought back the same feelings to Lexi of love and safety that she had felt in Alyssa’s arms since day 1.

After a moment they pulled away resting their foreheads against each other. “God, I missed you so much.” Alyssa mumbled pressing another quick kiss to Lexi’s lips, trying to pour the emotions from 8 months into that kiss.

“I don’t want to be apart from you anymore.” Lexi mumbled as she pulled away a little bit but still where Alyssa had her arms wrapped around her waist.

“Then let’s not be anymore. I know we may be physically separated sometimes, like after this game…” Alyssa started. She had been the only one to find out about Lexi graduating on Thursday, as she had been with the young girl when she received the phone call. “But we don’t have to be emotionally. I broke up with you because I thought you were heading back to school, to be a college student again…”

“Be my girlfriend again?” Lexi quickly said before Alyssa could get to down on herself while thinking about the past. About their fights, and the emotional distance that led to their eventual breakup.

“I feel like I should ask you that, I’m the one who ended it in the first place.” Alyssa mumbled into Lexi’s shoulder as she held the girl close to her.

“After I all but begged you to do it. I didn’t think you were happy with me…” Lexi admitted causing Alyssa to tighten her hold on Lexi. “You were so sad, after the Orlando game and you didn’t come to me. We came to each other…” Alyssa sighed pressing a kiss to the younger girls head.

“I wasn’t good enough for you.” Lexi pulled away looking confused at the older women. “I had in my mind the person I should be for you, and when we broke up, whenever I looked in the mirror it wasn’t who you deserved.”

“Will you answer my question…” Lexi finally said after a moment rocking back and forth on her heels.  

“As long as you can forgive me for being a horrible girlfriend near the end of our relationship, you deserved better than that.” Alyssa mumbled causing Lexi to break her calm demeanor and smack her on the shoulder. “Ow! What was that for?”

“Answer my question.” Lexi all but begged.

“Lexi, you know there’s never a chance in hell that I would say no to you.”

Lexi wasn’t sure how fast she had latched onto Alyssa but so was confident that it was the fasted she had moved in a long time.

_          _          _

 

“Nice of you guys to finally join us.” Tobin joked as the couple walked into the bar, where everyone had gathered. Lexi was quickly pulled away by Tierna, who dragged her into the arcade again.

“I’ve been practicing you know.” Lexi joked as Tierna pushed the air hockey puck toward her. “We have one of these in our apartment building, and one in the locker room. There is only so much you can do on one leg.”

“I’m sure you’re so much better.” Tierna smirked befor starting the game.

Lexi was not much better than she was the first time they plated and she only scored 2 by the time Tierna had won the game. “I am so sick of you beating me in this game. One day I will beat you.” Lexi assured before Tierna was attacked by Rose.

“Come play DDR with me, Sammy won’t.” Rose pouted and Tierna blushed slightly but followed the older girl none the less. Lexi couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face at the duo. She had to ask Tierna what the blush was all about.

“You hiding out in here?” Alyssa asked as she entered the arcade seeing Lexi off from everyone.

“Just thinking about being back. In more ways than one.” Lexi turned to face Alyssa who handed her a cup. “You remembered…”

“Fanta is your guilty pleasure, just don’t tell Jill or Dawn I’m telling you to break diet. You only have one more game before you leave.” Alyssa smiled at the girl.

“Graduation, draft… world cup. Hopefully.” Lexi commented nervously setting the drink down on the table and grabbing onto Alyssa’s hand. “At least I have you for all of these moments.” Lexi pulled herself close to Alyssa burying her face in the older girls shoulder. “Kai said that if you wanted to see me walk, he would FaceTime you in… but don’t feel like you have to.” Lexi quickly recovered, but before she could say anything Alyssa pressed a quick gentle kiss to the younger girls lips.

“I’d be so happy to see you walk. I wish I could have seen how strong you were through your senior year.” Alyssa mumbled.

“I love you.” Lexi mumbled before she even realized what she was saying. She tensed up against the older women, but relaxed slightly when Alyssa’s hold just tightened on her. “I’ve never stopped loving you.”

“I’ve never stopped loving you either, and it is so nice to hear you say that and not a bear.” Alyssa commented causing Lexi to look up hopefully. “I’m guessing you’re waiting for me to say it back?” Lexi quickly nodded causing Alyssa to laugh. “I love you too baby, I don’t think I can love anyone else.”

Lexi quickly pulled Alyssa into a deep kiss, she wished it would have lasted forever, but her team mates apparently had other plans as Morgan, Lindsey and Sonnett walked in and whistled causing the two to break apart.

“You’re back!” Morgan cheered while Emily and Lindsey ran into the room no doubt to spread the news around the team.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so the next chapter will be a filler consisting of the time from graduation, the draft, and some family time with Lexi.


	10. the climb

“ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side”

 

In a perfect world, Lexi would be able to slip right by her room mates in their shared on campus apartment. She would be able to text Alyssa and Morgan that she safely made it back to SoCal, and she would curl up in her bed to try and sleep off jet lag.

Unfortunately, this was not a perfect world and Jules was wide awake sitting on their couch when the forward came in. “Lexi’s home!” She quickly yelled causing groans to elicit from the two other sleeping soccer players.

“Jules!” Lexi tried to sound excited but after leaving Columbus at 4 am, and an 8-hour long flight with an hour long layover in Arizona, she was ready to sleep.

“Miss. New Relationship over here.” Brittany commented her bun hanging off one side of her head, as she walked out of the room. It was already 9 o’clock but the two soccer players on the left side of the room tended to sleep more than the two on the other side.

“Could hardly call it new.” Lexi said walking around the counter to turn on her coffee maker. If her roommates weren’t going to let her sleep, then she needed her coffee.

“Does she at least treat you right?” Carli asked. She somehow looked at least a little bit together, much more than Brittany.

Lexi thought for a moment, which gave her the chance to dig through the coffee mugs on the top shelf finally finding the one she wanted: A Chicago Red Stars one that Nikki had given her as a parting gift from the club. ‘A way to remember them’ she had said. “I mean it’s only been a few days but, I don’t know how I spent all these months away from her.”

“Is she coming to graduation?” Jules asked sliding into one of the stools in the dining area. She grabbed one of the apples off the basket they kept on the counter as Lexi busied herself around the kitchen.

“She can’t and you all know that, so don’t look like that.” She added when she watched her roommates share looks. “She’s already leaving Chicago for the World Cup, she can’t leave for another week.”

“It just sucks, you would think as your girlfriend that she would want to come and see you.” Brittany argued, causing Jules to nod in agreement. Carli knew when there was going to be an argument.

“I’m going to shower, don’t kill each other.” She commented disappearing onto her side.

“She does want to come see me walk. She has a job though, sorry I’m not dating some guy whose living off his dads couch, and not working.” Thankfully, all of them didn’t have that issue, but Lexi was talking about one of the sophomores who was dating a guy who graduated the year before.

“Is she going to watch the livestream?” Jules asked nervously not wanting to argue with Lexi when she knew the youngest of the four was exhausted.

“Kai is going to FaceTime her, so she doesn’t have to sit through the whole thing.” Lexi shrugged, taking a sip of her coffee.

“We get to see the babies!” Brittany cheered throwing her hands up in happiness.

“And we’re all getting drafted next week.” Jules cheered, causing Lexi to roll her eyes and start making her way towards her room.

“Wait, where are you going?” Brittany asked.

“To bed, I’ll be up in a few hours.” Lexi set her coffee on her bedside table, instantly curling up on the bed before pulling out her phone. She sends a quick text to Morgan letting her know she’s back to campus, then she pulls up Alyssa’s.

 ** _Lexi:_** I got to campus

 **Lexi** : I already miss you.

 **Lexi** : I love youuuu

Alyssa didn’t reply and Lexi knew they were flying to Houston for their final game. She would talk to her as soon as she could.

_          _          _

 

“Mom stop crying.” Lexi laughed as she found her parents and sisters in the sea of people at SoCals graduation. She had her red graduation gown unzipped now, exposing her gray flowy dress she had selected for graduation.

“I just cant believe everything you’ve done. I’m so proud of you.” Amy wiped her own tears away hugging her daughter tight.

“Mom, share Lexi!” Kayla argued hugging onto her mom and little sister who were then joined by Kenzie.

“Where are the guys?” Lexi asked after she was done being smushed by her sisters. She was so happy that everyone could make it to the ceremony even as Kayla was now 3 months pregnant, and Kenzie was 5.

“They took the little ones outside, wanted to get them out of the crowds.” Kenzie said grabbing her purse from the bleachers. “Lead the way.”

It didn’t take Lexi long to find her family in the crowds outside. They were the only ones with kids galore. 3 from one sister, and as of right now one from the other. “Dad!” Lexi said happily wrapping her arms around the older man who was still able to lift her up.

“Hey, college grad. Someone wants to talk to you.” Kai said holding up his phone causing Lexi to squeal and head to the car.

“Hey beautiful. I’m glad I got to talk to you.” Alyssa said once Lexi was separated from the crowd and next to the car.

“I’m so glad you got to see it. Are you on your way to Washington?” She asked recognizing the familiar seats of the coach buses Chicago used.

“Well I’m already in Washington, hence the bus.” Alyssa smirked but even she couldn’t help the swell of pride at Lexi’s excited face and being in her graduation gown.

“You’re going to do awesome I’ll be watching tomorrow.” Lexi smiled leaning against her sisters car. “I guess I am a little selfish to wish you were here.”

“I wish I was there too, but I wish you were with me.” Alyssa started before she was interrupted by someone falling dramatically into the seat next to her.

“Hi Moe…” Lexi sighed happily, when she saw Morgan’s head come up and rest on Alyssa’s shoulder.

“My little college graduate. Alyssa she’s so grown up.” Morgan pretended to cry into her hands earning to a middle finger from the forward.

“Rory’s going to be up all night trying to figure out the draft.” Julie commented, and Alyssa rolled her eyes jokingly but tilted the phone up so Lexi could see Julie. “He either wants a new defender… or you.” Lexi smiled before hearing her family approaching the car.

“Hey guys, I gotta go okay? I’ll skype you guys on Saturday during the draft?” Lexi asked happily before blowing a kiss to Alyssa and waving goodbye to her friends.

“You guys ready to go get dinner?” Lexi asked as her family approached them.

_          _          _

 

“With the 7th draft pick in the 1st round, the Chicago Red Stars select Alexis Humphrey, University of Southern California.”

_          _          _

“Are you sure you have everything?” Amy asked for the third time as Lexi was trying to make her way into the security line. “I mean; you’re going straight to France after Los Angeles.”

“Mom I’m fine. I have everything. I even packed the dictionary that I won’t need.” Lexi smirked at her mother who blushed.

“Remember sweetie…” Her dad started, even as she rolled her eyes he continued. “You are so much better than you think.” Her dad paused for a moment. “And mom has the phone with long distance so call her.”

Lexi laughed wrapping her dad in a tight hug. “Don’t be afraid to call me if you guys need anything.” Lexi said before using this opportunity to pull away from her parents. “I love you guys! I’ll see you on the flip side.

One thing was for sure, Lexi couldn’t wait to get back to her girls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as i said this is a filler chapter, but next chapter starts their beginning with the world cup, that i already have set up. next chapter should be out within a week.


	11. best day of my life

“I had a dream so big and loud”

_June 3 rd, 2019: 3 Days before Game Day_

“It’s only fitting we’re rooming together in France isn’t it?” Morgan asked as they left their first team meeting of the world cup. Group play started tomorrow, and Lexi felt as if they and Group D had the hardest groups.

The USA was set to play Italy, Germany and then Demark. The only way to secure their spot out of group play… was to win every single game. This was going to be tricky but the USA was ready to add that 4th star.

“Helloooo Earth to Lexi.” Morgan leaned closer to break through her roommate and best friends’ thoughts.

“Sorry… What did you say?” Lexi pulled on the straps of her USA backpack as they stood in the lobby. Lexi’s nerves were starting to get the best of her. She had dreamed of this moment forever, but being here was something totally different.

“We’re rooming together… Fitting right?” Morgan asked, rubbing her hand on Lexi’s arm. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah… Yeah I’m totally fine.” Lexi mumbled before looking down at the folder. “It just… It doesn’t seem real anymore.”

Morgan sighed directing Lexi to the chairs in the lobby. The other national team players were milling around the lobby lost in their own worlds, and thankfully not paying any attention to the duo. “Hey look at me…”

“It just seems like everything should be perfect.” Lexi finally said though her eyes were downcast as if she was hoping the ground would swallow her whole. “I’m in a happy relationship, I graduated college, I’m back with my best friends, and I’m going to help the team add a 4th star…”

“Then what’s going on?” Morgan asked, but she knew what was going on. She was watching Lexi self-destruct right in front of her, and she wasn’t sure how to stop it.

“I don’t know, and that’s terrifying me.” Lexi could feel tears welling up in her eyes, she had been so excited all California camp, and the plane ride here. It just all seemed to sink in while she was sitting in that meeting, and it was sending her anxiety through the roof.

“Do you want to go up to the room?” Morgan could read Lexi well, almost a year of being friends and living together did that to her.  Right now she could see Lexi was two minutes from exploding and she didn’t want the younger girl to do that in front of everyone.

All it took was a small nod to get Morgan to pull her up off the chairs and into the elevator.

_          _          _

_June 5 th, 2018: 1 Day before Game Day_

“Alright ladies, cool down stretches!” Jill called out before looking at her clipboard. Practice had gone well, but everyone was on high nerves as the World Cup rapidly approached. “Lexi! Can I see you really quick?”

All eyes landed on the forward who looked over at Morgan nervously. The whole time they had been in France did nothing to ease her anxiety, and if the girl wasn’t training, in recovery, or in dinner she was back at the room losing her mind.

Jill pulled Lexi into the tunnel allowing them to be away from prying eyes. “Alright… what’s going on?”

“I’m sorry Coach, I know I haven’t been on top of my game lately. I’ll try and fix it.” Lexi recited back to their coach. She had been practicing that, and Morgan had been nervous for her.

“Where is the Lexi that was present during the Send Off Series?” Jill asked and Lexi crossed her arms with a cross. It made Lexi seem so much younger to the coach, and so much smaller than ever.

“I… I don’t think I’m ready for this.” Lexi argued to her coach finally saying her opinions out loud. She had been too afraid to say it to anyone. Morgan, Alyssa, Sonnett or Lindsey; everyone who would fight her.

“Lexi… why do you think you’re not ready? Is it your skills? Do you think your rusty?” Jill turned Lexi to walk her towards the locker room knowing the others would be coming soon enough all desperate to see her.

Once Lexi got to the locker room she sat down on the bench putting her head in her hands. “I was out the night before graduation.” She finally admitted. “I was drinking with my friends, saying our final goodbyes… I’m 21, you can check my ID and we were at the Men’s Soccer house at SoCal…”  
Jill sat down next to her… there was no anger in the action, no annoyance that Lexi was out. “Keep going Lexi, tell me what you need to…”

“I was dancing with my friends and I twisted my left knee.” Lexi’s hand absent-mindly traced her scar. “My friends took me to our physical therapist’s house that night… She wrapped my knee, and I had to go to the doctor’s tomorrow.”

“So now you don’t think you’re healthy.” Jill was starting to fill in the blanks. The anxiety of Lexi during practice, the way she favored her right side every time she had the ball. Everything was starting to make sense.

“I know I’m not healthy,” Lexi looked creastfallen, and the coach sighed rubbing her hand over her face.

“Do you have that little faith in Dawn?” Jill asked causing Lexi to shoot up meeting the coach’s eyes.

“No of course not. I would never.” Lexi argued quickly with the coach.

“She checked you out before the first practice Lexi.” Jill reassured her. “She would not have even let you travel to France with us if you were hurt.”

A few moments of silence passed between the duo. “Why me?” Lexi asked after a moment, her voice barely a whisper.

“Why you?”

“Why me of all people you could have called up?” She finally stood up and started to pace. “You have Lynn, Savannah, Kealia, or Ashley? All who are healthy.”

“Someone vouched for you, they wanted you on this team.” Jill explained her eyes following the forward before pulling her phone out sending a text to Dawn.

“What? Was it Morgan or Alyssa? Cause no offense but I think they’re a little bias. I mean you have the final say.” Lexi tried to reason.

“It was me.” Another voice broke through the tension of the locker room when Jill stood up.

“I’m going to go make sure they’re not slacking out there… try and calm her down.” Jill said leaving the locker room; and Lexi and Carli to talk.

“Why me then?” Lexi asked. She had finally sat back down on the bench and was now staring up at the captain of their team.

“Do you know that I went to all the SoCal games I could after you came back? And if I couldn’t be there in person I watched it on TV.” Carli sat next to Lexi giving her a wide berth.

“No… I knew…” Carli stopped her before she could finish. Everything that happened since Lexi’s injury was history in the eyes of the National Team.

“I watched you claw your way back to center stage at SoCal.” Carli told the younger girl. “I watched you fight tooth and nail to get back to where you were and you were incredible.”

“I hated who I was when I was returning to soccer. I pushed people away, just to throw myself into work. There was never a time I wasn’t working. I had to get back here.” Lexi explained.

“And why do you think I picked you to come back?” Carli slid closer to Lexi to rub her back gently. Lexi looked up confused so Carli continued. “When Amy broke her foot, Jill and her decided from there it would be better for her to retire. So we had to find someone who could fill her place. We thought about people like Lynn, Savannah, Ashley… Kealia.

“So Jill asked me for help, said I knew all 4 of these players and seen them play enough. None of them have the heart that you showed me as you were coming back.” Lexi could feel tears welling in her eyes.

“Do you think I can do this?” Lexi finally asked looking over at Carli as a single tear ran down her face.

“As sure as I was when I accepted that captains armband. You have what it takes Lexi. You inspire these girls, and you make them all play better. In a few years… I think I’m looking at the next captain of the national team.”

Carli had no idea what those words meant to Lexi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my gosh, i know how to update after i fall?! that's crazy talk. i promise these next few chapters won't take as long, because i do want to finish Alyssa and Lexi's story. Next chapter will hopefully be out soon.


	12. salute

Ready, aim, shoot it

**_USA vs Italy: Group Stage, Game 1_ **

Watching from the sidelines curbed Lexi’s nerves more than she imagined. She watched as Alex was side tackled by Gama, a defender for Italy when she dared to go too close to the goal. It was 48 minutes in both teams desperate for a goal.

The 0-0 deadlock they were in was completely insane, and Lexi could feel the worry spill off their coach. Now though it was for a different reason.

Alex was still down holding her left ankle. Lexi hadn’t kept up much with the NWSL desperate to leave her past in the past, but she still looked at every injury report and she knew Alex missed almost half the games with an injured left ankle.

Dawn was out there in a second once they realized Alex wasn’t getting up, and the pain was clear on her face.

“Morgan… Morgan settle down.” Lexi stopped her best friend who was warming up on the side lines, and saw the injury came running back down the bench.

“If she’s hurt I swear to god, I will kill Gama!” Morgan could feel her anger getting the better of her but Lexi was doing better to calm her down than Sonnett had done over by warmups.

“She’s going to be…” The duo turned when Dawn waved over a stretcher, and Morgan would have smoke coming out of her ears if this was a cartoon.

“Oh my gooood.” Morgan could feel herself getting worked up as they brought Alex to the sidelines and Christen went in.

“Go… Go.” Lexi pushed Morgan away, towards Alex who was being helped off the stretcher. Alex looked sadly at the girl who helped her to the bench before having to go back to warming up.

They ended up winning the game, 1-0 off a goal by Christen.

**_USA vs Germany: Group Stage, Game 2_ **

“Looks like we are seeing the final sub for the United States, and it’s someone people in France know very well.” It drew the attention into the TV in the bar of Cedar. “Coming in for 17 Tobin Heath…” Her sisters each sat up on their couch distractions proven too much for their kids running amock with respective husbands. “Making her first world cup debut is number 12 Lexi Humphrey.”

“Switching! Christen in the center, Alex on the left. Rose, corners!” Lexi quickly said to each as she passed. The final sub set in to make a difference, get the ball to Christen, get the ball to Alex.

Denmark had beat Italy 3-0 after beating Germany 4-0. Denmark held the first position of their group, but that was the position the USA wanted. They had only beat Italy 1-0 so they had a 6 GD to make up, and to do it fast.

“Lexi on!” Lexi let the ball fall to her feet. She looked up and started moving down the field bouncing the ball in between two German midfielders to the feet of Julie who passed it to Christen on the other side.

Lexi used the time without the ball to get up field still maintaining her onside position as she hung behind the defenders. Alex was right at the middle and shot her a look before grabbing onto her own pony tail and twirling it around her finger and letting it fall.

Lexi knew what that meant. The two forwards rushed the box, allowing Christen to quick it to Alex. The defenders on her rushed Alex, only to leave Lexi unmarked. So when Alex let the ball go between her legs and fall right to Lexi’s feet, she was able to kick the ball straight into the goal.

The USA’s flood gates opened and from 70 minutes to 93 minutes. They scored 5 goals. The GD was going down, and they were on their way to hopefully win the group.

**_USA vs Denmark: Group Stage, Game 3_ **

This was it. Whoever won this game, won the whole group. Lexi knew they could to it. Her first call up was against Denmark, and she watched these girls score 5 goals against them. They win today, they win the group.

“Hey, why you look so worried?” Morgan asked leaning against Lexi whose knee was bouncing. Her knee had been wrapped the whole time since the Germany game, when Laudehr had a rough tackle on her as she was going for another goal.

Dawn hadn’t taken any risks and pulled her, leaving 10 women on the field, but clearly it hadn’t mattered. Lexi had only practiced once since then.

“Lyss was just really nervous last night.” Lexi explained, she could see how anxious her girlfriend was from here as she organized the wall for a free kick.

“Hey, she’s doing great. She’s been great this whole tournament.” Morgan reasoned to the younger girl. “We’re going to win this group, and we’re going to win the World Cup. She’s going to take us all the way there.”

“I know she will…” Lexi smiled as Alyssa made another diving stop to keep the US lead secure at 2-0.

“She plays better when you’re around. It’s like you give her more confidence in everything she does.” Ashlyn commented on their other side letting a blush spread up along Lexi’s cheeks.

“Speaking of our girls…” Lexi commented as Ali was getting ready to come off for Crystal to come in. Ashlyn stood up to greet her girl and scoop her into a tight hug. “Can’t wait for her to propose.” She mumbled to Morgan who just laughed with a nod.

_          _          _

_June 13 th, 2018: 3 days before Gameday_

“I could not be prouder of how hard you girls played these past few days.” Jill commented as they all sat in the meeting room. “You have surpassed all of my expectations both as starters and as subs.”

Jill pulled up a video, Sweden and Australia in their group stage. “We have a tough time ahead of us in this World Cup. We’re going to face teams, that we need to make sure we’re faster and stronger than them. We need to work harder than ever.”

Alyssa let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding, as she watched Erikkson score against Williams. Sweden was better than they were last world cup since beating the US in the Olympics. Then she watched Sam score against the Swedish goalie. Who did she rather face in the round of 16?

Lexi anxiously bounced her knee against the carpet. Sam was good, and so was Ellie how many times had it been nail biters for Australia to win or lose games with them. But she had watched the game against Sweden with bated breath from the comfort of her college dorm. Her freshman year of college was marked with anger and disappointment not only for the national team but also Hope.

Kelley’s eyes drifted over to the coaches. Hope was avoiding watching the videos that showed Sweden scoring, a penalty kick that Williams had missed. A penalty in the box that resulted in Raso going down and having to be taken off. It had resulted in no card. Hope’s eyes drifted to their forwards… Christen, Tobin, Alex… Lexi all people who couldn’t go down.

Christen felt tears well in her eyes as she watched an Australian take a penalty kick and it sailed just wide of the goal. The Swedes cheering as they piled on their goalie. Christen had been there letting a PK sail wide, disappointing her teammates and her coaches… and Hope.

Jill sighed as the video finished, and Dawn turned the lights back on. “Tonight we recover… Tomorrow we practice, we practice our PK’s specifically... I will not loose to Sweden… not again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another after i fall chapter! this is what happens when the writing bug bites! hope you all enjoy!


	13. the world turned upside down

_Seize the moment and stay in it_

 

“I’m sure you are all worried about tonight…” Jill was standing in the middle of the locker room as each player was sitting at the chairs in front of them. “This is when it gets serious, and I know how scary it must be knowing Sweden is our first opponent.”

Christen’s leg was bouncing until Ashlyn leaned over holding her leg in place. The forward had spent a lot of time at any practice field she could find taking PKs against Ashlyn, Alyssa, Aubrey and sometimes even Hope. If they had to go into PKs, she was not missing hers. “You guys have practiced long and hard for this game. I think we’ve been practicing for this game right here since the Olympics.” The coach continued.

“Starting lineup today…” Jill looked at the paper once she was hopeful that her statement had gotten through the heads of her players. “Alyssa in goal, Crystal and Kelley as our outsides back, Tierna and Becky as center backs…”

Lexi casted a look over at Alyssa who was wrapping her hand trying not to make eye contact with anyone. Lexi was beginning to notice that, this was how Alyssa acted during big tournaments. “Alyssa! Ashlyn, Aubrey!” Hope’s voice interrupted Jill’s list once she finished the midfielders; Julie, Lindsey and Rose. “Need you on the field!”

The goalkeepers all stood up and Lexi shot Alyssa a thumbs up and mouthed ‘I love you’ as the trio followed Hope to the field.

“Alex, Tobin and Megan as forwards.” Jill finished. “Starters head out… Subs I want to see you in here for a little bit.” Alex stood up clapping Lexi on her shoulder before going over to Morgan. She pressed a soft kiss to the younger girls lips before following the other starters out.

Lexi was jealous. She wished that Alyssa would approach her to let her comfort her nerves. She knew though that wasn’t how Alyssa was, but it did nothing to curb her jealously of the looks and actions of other couples.

“You need to understand, unless we’re up a lot to a little… You’re going to be a late sub.” Lexi pulled her knees up to her chest so she was sitting fully on the chair. “Everyone is important to this game, you all are no exception, but I can’t have you in my ear about when you will be on.”

Lexi watched as Carli rolled her eyes from the other side of Ali. “We understand.” Lexi didn’t even recognize her own voice, didn’t feel her own mouth move.

“Thank you Lexi.” Jill paused looking around the room. “Let’s get you all to the bench before the anthems start.”

_          _          _

“Lexi!” Jill called over to Lexi who was talking with Dawn after warming up. “You ready?” Lexi looked at the score board. The 75th minute, up 1-0. She would be the last sub. Christen had gone in for Tobin, Moe for Rose.

“Are you sure?” She asked her hands shaking as she pulled her piney off, and took the paper from Jill. She was going in for Pinoe.

“Go sweetie, let’s win this game.”  Dawn pushed the younger girl towards the 4th ref and Lexi handed it to her.

Everything was running a million miles an hour in Lexi’s mind. Erikkson sprinted past her being chased by Kelley who finally got a hold of the ball and started moving it back towards their side of the field.

Cheers were deafening in her ears as Kelley passed it to Lindsey who shot it and sailed it wide over the net. Swedish flags and USA flags hung from the stands and compared to last World Cup there were more Swedish flags than American flags.

They were outnumbered… but the goal still stood no matter how many shots on goal Sweden had. The US had connected. The only one that mattered.

The whistle blew, the fourth ref waved her forward and held up the light. 12 for 15. Humphrey for Pinoe. Megan came over hugging Lexi tightly. “You’re going to do great.” She whispered before Lexi sprinted onto the field. 76 minutes, 14 minutes plus whatever stoppage time the refs deemed worthy.

“Yes Lexi!” Morgan ran up hugging her quickly before resuming her position. The Swedish goalkeeper kicked it off and the game resumed.

_          _          _

“Fuck.” Kelley pulled herself up as the Swedish player hustled over to the corner flag. The defender joined the group in the box. “Sorry Lyss.” She mumbled.

Lexi was standing next to a Swedish forward. She was the only forward in the box. Lindsey was on the sideline after a knock shortly before the ball going out. Dawn was wrapping her ankle but it meant they needed someone in the box to fill in for Lindsey.

The ball came in, right towards where Lexi was with the defender, they both went up and the ball bounced off of Lexi’s head.

Just not the way she wanted it to.

Lexi felt as if her heat snapped in half watching the ball hit the back of the net. Alyssa was crouching down unable to stop the own goal from going in.

The tears were already forming in Lexis eyes by the time Morgan reached her and held onto her tightly. The duo knew cameras would be all over Lexi but she didn’t care. “Don’t touch me.” Lexi tried to pull away from Morgan but she was shaking, and almost seemed weaker.

Almost as if the tears were stealing the little bit of strength she had in her.

“No don’t do this Lexi.” Christen had her arm around her, and Lexi had barely recognized Christen came up to her. Sweden was still cheering, those cheers deafening her from the kind words of her teammates.

“Stop.” Lexi begged trying to pull away from her friends breaking their hold, before someone else grabbed her arm. “I said…”

“You need to calm down.” Alyssa’s voice was the clearest to her. Morgan and Christens voices were muffled by cheers but when Alyssa spoke to her it was as if the stadium was silent.  
“I’m so sorry.” Lexi’s heart was breaking in her chest and she didn’t dare meet the eyes of her teammates on the sidelines.

“Don’t be sorry.” Alyssa argued before turning Lexi around to face the center of the field. “You go, and you show them why you were called up for the world cup.” She pushed her gently, towards the center of the field.

_          _          _

Once the OT was over, the players made their way to the bench. Lexi was trying not to make eye contact with Jill and the others on the sidelines. Luckily, Dawn was talking with Jill and Graeme presumably about the lineup for the PKs.

“Hey…” Carli separated Lexi from the group. “Take a deep breath.” Carli guided the younger women through a few deep breaths before rubbing her hands over her arms.

“This is all my fault. We shouldn’t have had to go into PKs.” Lexi ran her hands over her face and casted a look towards her teammates. “They’re going to hate me if we lose.”

“Stop. We practiced for how many hours yesterday?” Carli asked her arms crossed over her chest.

“Like 3 hours.” Lexi mumbled running her hand over her pony tail.

“Then act like it. If you go in nervous you’re going to send it over the goal.” Carli scolded, causing the girl to nod. “Also… Lindahl goes left a lot. Try upper right.” Lexi nodded and was about to go and join the group when Carli grabbed her wrist.

“Any other helpful tips?” She asked. Carli was grabbing something out of her jacket and when Lexi looked at them she realized it was her brothers dog tags from his first deployment. She had packed it in a way to make her brother feel closer.

“Be strong.” Carli put it around the younger womens neck tucking it under her jersey. “And don’t miss.”

_          _          _

“4-4. If Lexi Humphrey makes this, the US wins. If she doesn’t we keep going.” Aly Wagner commented, to the people at home. The people who Lexi was fighting for. The US couldn’t go out like this. They wouldn’t.

 _Lindahl goes left, upper right._ Lexi had seen that the whole PK time. The ones she missed were the ones that went right. Did she take the risk and go left in hopes to throw her off? Did she go with her gut and go right?

She made her way to the ball face to face with Lindahl. She fidgeted with the dog tags under her jersey.

She raised her hand, took a leading step and kicked right.

She didn’t hear anything, even as cheers exploded the stadium.

All she felt were her teammates crashing into her piling onto her.

They won, they were going on.

They lived to fight another day.


	14. some hearts

_Some hearts just get lucky sometimes_

“Well I’m just saying you haven’t left the hotel room since the game.” Morgan argued to the pile of blankets on the other bed. The midfielder waited for the girl to respond, and when she only got a groan she continued. “Jill‘s not mad at you, you know?”

Another groan came from the pile of blankets. “You only practice and that’s it.” Morgan continued. “You’re lucky Dawn lets me even bring you dinner.”

“Stop.” Morgan was shocked to even hear anything from the younger girl. Lexi had barely spoke since the own goal.

“Come out with us. We’ll just hang for a bit with Rose, Lindsey, Sonny and Mal. If you get too upset, we’ll come back.” Morgan begged as she finished pulling on her boots lacing them up begging Lexi to even peak her head out to show she was physically okay.

“Have fun.” Lexi mumbled, burrowing into the blankets more. Morgan sighed grabbing her room key from the bedside table. She knew Rose and the other group wasn’t expecting her for another few minutes, but there was someone she needed to talk to first.

She was lucky that Alyssa and Becky were only a few rooms down. She could only hope that the duo or at least the one she was looking for was in the room. After only a few moments, Alyssa came to the door looking surprised to see the midfielder there.

“I’m worried about Lexi.” Morgan said before Alyssa could even open her mouth. Alyssa looked confused waiting for the younger girl to continue. “She’s barely eating, and she’s not sleeping a ton. She won’t talk to me and if she does it’s one word answers. It’s been that way since the Sweden game.

“And she won’t talk to me. Of all people, me! We always talk to each other about stuff, and if she doesn’t get out of her head…” Morgan paused truing to gather her thoughts and catch her breath. “I’m worried Jill will send her home, and she won’t get back with the national team.”

“What am I supposed to do? She’s not answering any of my texts, or my calls.” Alyssa ran her hands over her face. She had known Lexi wasn’t acting like herself since the last game and with Brazil coming up, she knew that her girlfriend needed to have her head on straight.

“I don’t know Alyssa, but I’m so scared for her.” Morgan admitted before digging into her back pocket. “I’m going out with the other kids… I’ll stay in Alex’s or Lindsey’s room tonight.” She handed the room key to the goalkeeper. “Please…” She started. “Bring my best friend back.”

_          _          _

Lexi rolled her eyes from under the blanket when she heard the door open again. Leave it to Morgan to keep pushing, was it too hard for the older women to understand she wanted to be left alone?

She felt the bed shift next to her and ‘Morgan’ lay next to her. “Go away.” Lexi pushed on ‘Morgan’s’ arm.

“I don’t have anything better to do.” Alyssa commented, ignoring how Lexi had pushed her away.

Lexi’s pushing instantly stopped when she realized that it was Alyssa on the bed. “Go away.” She still mumbled turning over so her back was to Alyssa.   
“Uh… no. You and I both aren’t doing anything tonight.” Alyssa forcibly turned Lexi and pulled the blankets down to see her girlfriends face. She had seen Lexi during practice, and could see how exhausted her girlfriend looked but seeing her up close was completely different.

Lexi had blue almost black bags under her eyes, and they were drooping as if she had been robbing her body of sleep for the past few days. “Baby…” Alyssa mumbled pulling her into her chest.

Once Lexi was safely in her girlfriends arms she finally released everything that she had been holding in the whole time. Her body shook with sobs, tears soaking through Alyssa’s shirt that she was wearing. “It’s okay baby, just cry.”

Lexi continued to cry and after a few minutes passed, and she was slightly hiccupping from the sobbing, she took a few deep breaths but still kept her head buried in her girlfriends’ chest. She was thankful for Alyssa.

Yes, there were sometimes that she cursed the quiet nature of the older women but times like this when Lexi just needed someone to physically be there she was the perfect person.

“Do you want to talk?” Alyssa finally asked adjusting their position so both were now under the blankets and still tightly holding onto one another.

“I…” Lexi’s voice cracked, probably from the crying and from the lack of water she had over the past few days only getting water during practice… she had been lucky she hadn’t passed out yet.

“Hang on…” Alyssa slowly pulled away from Lexi much to the youngers girls dismay. Alyssa grabbed a cup of water and filled it up handing it to the younger girl. “You need to drink…”

“No.” Lexi turned away bit when she realized that Alyssa wasn’t going to get back in bed until she drank the water. “Fine.” She mumbled taking the cup and taking a few sips before setting it on the other side of her on the bed side table.

“Tell me what’s going on. We’re all so worried about you.” Alyssa ran her fingers through Lexi’s hair.

“I’ve never gotten an own goal before…” Lexi admitted. “Even when I was 5 I never put the goal in the other teams net.”

“And doing it here?” Lexi looked up sadly at the older women. “Against Sweden when we already had lost to Sweden in PKs? I never felt like less of a soccer player than I did in that moment.”

“Baby… we all…” Alyssa started before Lexi cut her off. Alyssa let her continue knowing that this was what the younger girl needed. Rid herself of all the demons she had so she could get back to being her.

“And seeing your reaction when the ball hit the back of the net. You had done so well the whole game, and I blew it for you. You looked so defeated and you didn’t even know I was the one who did it until you saw me freaking out.” Lexi wiped one of her tears away before Alyssa took her face in her hands pressing a soft kiss to the girls forehead.

“I spent my whole time away from the National team defending you every time someone said Ashlyn should be the starting goalie, because you were growing more confident and better and then the first game out of group stage I score the only goal that you had let in.” Lexi continued.

Alyssa had heard enough, gently shushing her girlfriend. “Do you think I’m mad at you for scoring that goal?” She finally asked after the gentle cries from her girlfriend finally died down. Lexi nodded her head. “Well I’m not. Do you think Hope was mad when Julie got that penalty last world cup?” Lexi shook her head.

“But…”   
“No… No buts. Did we still win?” Lexi nodded. “Are we still moving on?” Lexi nodded again. “Then nothing matters.”

“But…” Lexi said and this time when Alyssa didn’t cut her off she realized she had nothing to say anymore. “How do you do that?”

Alyssa shrugged but pulled Lexi into her again holding her close as the younger girl tried to settle her breathing down. “I had to figure it out pretty quick. It’s my job to take care of you.”

“And you do an awesome job at it.” Lexi leaned up as much as she could pressing a kiss to Alyssa’s neck the only thing she could reach. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too baby.” Alyssa kissed Lexi’s head. “Now why don’t you get some sleep? We have a big practice tomorrow for an even bigger game on Thursday.”

“Mmmmm, are you going to stay?” Lexi asked but sleep was already pulling her closer and closer.

“Yeah, I’m going to stay here… right with my girl.”


	15. over my head

_i'm becoming the part that don't last_

_June 20 th, 2018 **:**_ **Quarterfinal** USA vs Brazil

“Seriously?! What is wrong with you?” Lexi heard Kelley yell. She was down holding her knee tightly tears instantly welling up in her eyes. She was trying not to yell but she was panicking.

She literally just got the ball for the first time, when the tackle came out of nowhere. She could hear the crowds cheering as the Brazilian was shown a yellow card.

The tackle had been hard, dirty… and right to her left knee.

“Kelley stop!” Becky held back the defender separating Kelley from Marta who was talking to the ref pleading the case for her player.

Lexi could see someone kneeling next to her and she was sure that they were trying to talk to her, but she could barely get a word out afraid if she spoke she was going to scream.

“Hey, come on.” That was a different voice, a clear voice. “Sit up.” The voice ordered and when Lexi finally sat up and opened her eyes Abby was next to her. “You’re fine don’t panic.”

“Lexi, move your leg.” Dawn demanded and Lexi shook her head. There were still arguments going on behind her now Kelley (much to Becky’s dismay) was getting involved. “Lexi, I can feel it but I need you to move your leg and show me how you can move it.”

Lexi took a shaky breath but Abby simply holding her hand, gave her a little bit of strength. She could see Pinoe warming up on the sidelines, if she couldn’t pull herself up and get this together she would be missing her first ever world cup starter.

Lexi twisted her left leg first to the right and then to the left. Dawn and Abby helped pull her up so she could try and put weight on it. “Put weight on it.” Abby calmed her as she helped the younger put her leg down and test out putting weight on it.

“Good…” Dawn stepped back. “Walk to me come on.” Lexi took a few haphazard steps towards Dawn. “Good… Good…”

“Jog.”

“B…”

“Jog.” Abby cut Lexi off letting the younger player jog towards Dawn. Dawn pulled Lexi to the sidelines when it was decided play was ready to begin again after two more yellow cards were given out. One to Kelley and one to Marta.

Lexi looked back at Alyssa who looked nervously over at her resulting in a slap from Carli.

As soon as Lexi had gone down, Alyssa had wanted to go straight to Lexi. She could tell her girlfriend was in pain, and terrified. “Don’t.” Carli had said instead of staying with Lexi, she had gone back to see the goalie, and Julie who was back with her when the tackle occurred. “Both of you.”

“What the hell do you mean?” Julie was fuming as she watched Dawn go out to the younger girl trying to calm her down.

“You go over there you’re going to freak her out.” Carli casted a look over at the young girl as Dahlkemper helped her sit up. Lexi’s hands were shaking as she twisted her knee. “She’s freaked out, and I know you want to comfort her.” Carli said turning to face Alyssa.

“But you can’t and I’m not going to let you, either of you.” Carli’s eyes caught Morgan’s who was on the sidelines rocking back and forth on her heels as Lexi finally stood up.

“Why not? She needs someone.” Alyssa fought.

“She does, she has Abby and Dawn.” Carli responded. “You two were the first ones over to her when she strained it. If you go rushing over to her, she’s going to panic.” Carli watched Dawn pull her over to the sideline. “Keep focused. Let’s beat Brazil.”

_          _          _

Lexi’s eyes drifted over the sub bench seeing Morgan set to come on. Morgan pointed at her as Lexi nodded but before the whistle blew they had to get one more thing done. They had to get this free kick done. Tobin was positioned about 20 feet out, with the ball at her feet. Lexi was in the box, Poliana marking her.

The same player who had taken her down at the very 1st minute of the game, now 65 minutes later.

She could watch the ball come in, and let Lindsey come in and handle it. Or she could risk Poliana going after her again to try and make the game 1-0. To give the USA a lead and a shot into the semifinals.

So she does, she goes up for it and it sails over her head, but Poliana stays on her. She leaves Julie wide open and she’s right there to put it in the back of the net.

_June 26 th, 2018: 1 day before Game Day_

“Look at you!” Lexi quickly turned around as the US was getting ready to leave the training facility before their semifinal that would be against Australia. She recognized the Australian accent right away even if she hadn’t heard it in almost a year.

“Sammy!” Lexi turned around separating from Crystal and Pinoe to run into the Australian’s arms who scooped her up.

It had been too long since the duo had seen each other, when Sam was in Australia at her point in Chicago for the tour.

Sam and Nikki had made her last weeks in Chicago happy, refusing to let her stay at a hotel even if it meant sleeping on their couch. Taking care of her when Morgan, Julie and Alyssa decided she wasn’t worth the fight anymore.

“The comeback of your career!” Sam finally set her down. “Too bad it all comes to an end tomorrow.”

Lexi slapped her shoulder with a laugh. “You wish. We have a fire goalie again this time.” Lexi smiled thinking about Alyssa who was staying longer with the other goalies for more training and would be leaving right before the Australians began to practice.

“I heard you think the goalie is fire in more than one way.” Sam commented with a smirk.

“I heard Nikki has a big mouth.”

Sam laughed wrapping an arm tightly around Lexi. “She does, but we both love her.”

Lexi’s eyes caught a duo down the hall, and Sammy turned around seeing the reaction of Lexi. Alanna was standing down the hallway, one arm above the other one she was talking to. Lexi took a side step and saw that it was Alex who was talking seriously to Alanna staring up at the taller women.

Alanna then leaned down whispering something into her ear causing Alex to laugh. Lexi’s blood was boiling, her over protective nature to Morgan kicking in instantly. “What the fuck…” She muttered so only Sam could hear her.

“Lex come on you know it’s nothing their teammates.” Sam argued but she knew her argument fell on deaf ears. Sam knew the relationship Lexi had with Morgan and she knew that it ran deep. “And you’re not even listening… ok bye.” Sam said as Lexi turned and marched towards the bus.

Unsure of what she was going to do, but she knew she had to do something now.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> drama!!! i promise that updates will start to get more regular for this story as well as love of a lifetime. I'm trying to finish this one so my lifetime series can be my main focus, but I will get back to that as well! hope you all enjoyed, and the next chapter should be out whenever I get my life semi together.


	16. last first kiss

maybe this is a mistake

“Okay? You’ve been strange since practice. You wouldn’t let me sit with Alex on the bus or at dinner. Hell! I couldn’t even sit at the same table as her.” Morgan said with a laugh as she sat next to Lexi on the younger women’s bed.

The younger women had her arms crossed, Morgan having been tormenting her since they began their journey up to their room. “I just wanted to spend time with you. I know I sucked since the Sweden game but I want to make up for it.” Lexi lied.

“Ok… Yeah okay that sounds good.” Morgan didn’t 100% believe the girl but she wasn’t ready to fight when she was opening up to her. “How about this? I’m going to shower, and then we’ll settle down and watch some movies until we pass out.”

Lexi looked over at Morgan with a smile before nodding. Morgan hugged her tightly, before swinging off the bed to go and shower.

Lexi thought back to the moments that she had pushed Morgan to talk to Alex. Just give her a chance, she had told Morgan on more than one occasion. She remembered their nights in Utah at the pool when she had pushed Morgan to go up to Alex’s room. She remembers sitting on her sisters couch when Morgan admitted that Alex kissed her finally.

And now Alex could be throwing it all away.

Lexi was stirred from her thoughts when there was a knock on their door. Lexi pulled herself off of her bed, and opened the door instantly fixing a glare on the women on the other side.

“What is that look for?” Alex asked staring down at the younger forward.

“Let me guess you want to see Morgan?” Lexi ignored the previous question causing Alex to roll her eyes.

“Yeah, is she in here?” Alex looked past Lexi to see in the room.  
“Not for you.” Lexi commented. “You don’t deserve to see her.”

“Excuse me?” Alex raised her eyebrows. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“I saw you and Alanna.” Lexi saw Alex’s eyes widen and that was all she needed to see. “So what? You’re cheating her? She loves you Alex!”

“How dare you, you know nothing!” Alex fired back, before the door to the bathroom opened and Morgan was standing there. She was wearing one of Alex’s Orlando shirts, and a pair of black shorts.

“What is she talking about…” Morgan was talking more to Alex looking past Lexi.

“Moe… I…” Alex was stammering, panicking as if she was caught in a lie. She was trying to put her thoughts into words but it wouldn’t come out.

“Lex… can you give me and Alex a minute? I’ll come find you.” Morgan asked causing Lexi to nod who grabbed her room key and went to find someone to hang out with.

“Moe…”

“You’re cheating on me?” Morgan cut the older women off. Her heart was ripping apart in her chest. She had already dealt with one heartbreak just over a year ago when she got divorced, and standing in front of her was the women who picked her up and put it back together.

The same women who was ripping it out of her chest, and stomping on it all over again.

“No! Morgan of course I’m not!” Alex argued. “Lexi doesn’t know the full story!”  
“Well she must have seen something she wouldn’t make this shit up.” Morgan argued realizing that they were half in the hallway now earning looks from everyone who poked their heads out.

Lexi was with Lindsey and Sonny no doubt waiting for when Morgan would eventually need them. Crystal and Ali were looking out from their room but Morgan didn’t care.

“I loved you! This isn’t fair that you get to hurt me like this!” She had tears swimming in her eyes. “I don’t want to see you at all, just leave me alone.” She shut the door leaving Alex standing there just as heartbroken as Morgan was.

_          _          _

“I hate her.” Morgan mumbled into her pillow as Lindsey and Lexi sat on either side of her with Sonnett at her feet.

“We know… it’s okay.” Lindsey rubbed the other midfielders back trying to calm her down. “I promise we’re going to get this all figured out.”  
“You stick with us okay?” Sonnett added as Morgan nodded into her pillow. “We’re going to give you two sometime. Call us if you need anything.”  
The duo left the others who sat in silence for a few moments. “Morgan I’m so sorry…”

“You didn’t make her cheat on me.”  Morgan mumbled into her pillow. “I thought this was it, I thought she was the one. I feel like a fucking idiot.”

“Stop… she had everyone tricked.” Lexi argued laying down next to Morgan who finally turned her head to look at her.

“What am I supposed to do?” Morgan’s eyes were red, and her face was tear stained.

“You’re going to keep working, keep fighting for the world cup…” Lexi explained. “You’re not going to let her win.”

_          _          _

“I have to tell her Ash!” Alex was pacing in Ashlyn’s room where Pinoe, Kelley and Tobin were now situated.

“Please, Alex! I’m going to ask her soon, I just need your guys help. If you tell Morgan, she’ll tell Lexi and Lexi will tell Ali.” Ashlyn argued.

“Morgan thinks I cheated on her! With Alanna! Alanna of all people.” Alex leaned against the open space of the wall. “I can’t lose her.” Alex’s voice cracked as she buried her head in her hands.

“Al…” Ashlyn took a step forward wrapping the younger women into a hug. “It’s going to be okay. I’m so sorry I got you into this mess.”

“Ash, I am all for helping you with this.” Alex said once they separated. “I need to tell Morgan though. It’s the only way I have a shot of getting her back.”

Ashlyn thought about it for a moment. “Fine. But you have to tell her she can’t tell anyone, especially not Lexi.”

Alex nodded. “I think I might need your guys help.”

_          _          _

“Kelley has just told me there’s some drama that’s it.” Hope commented in the coaches meeting that night. “Relationship drama.”

Jill rolled her eyes. “Alyssa and Lexi?”

“Morgan and Alex.”

Jill rolled her eyes again. “This is going to be a long game.”


	17. perfect

_I see the future in your eyes_

June 27th, 2017: **Semi-Final** USA vs Australia

“Brian!” Jill’s voice barked over to the players warming up ending the conversation between Morgan and Lexi. “I need you on for Rose now!”

Jill was on edge, Rose had all but crumbled down onto the ground about 2 minutes ago even when no one was around her. Dawn had ruled it more than likely a torn hamstring. It destroyed all of them has Rose was taken off on the stretcher.

“Coming!” Morgan hustled towards the 4th ref who waved her up right away holding up 6 for 16. The midfielder instantly got into position ignoring the look she got from Alex as she went on.

She was hoping that maybe she didn’t play this whole game. Didn’t have to share a field with Alex until she absoloutley had to. “Morgan on now!” Julie’s voice barked across the field calling Morgan to get up to intercept the ball that Kyah had taken from right front of Julie.

Morgan tackled her leaving enough room for Megan to come up and steal it from the Australian. Morgan held up a hand as she got up. “I’m sorry.” Kyah mumbled.

And both of them knew what they were talking about.

Morgan nodded simply, they had nothing to say to one another. Each distraught by their other half.

By the time both women made it to the field there was more commotion. A corner that Lydia was sure, Tobin was the last to touch and not Ellie. So Morgan did what she needed to do, she got into the box.

Unbelievable, she thought, as one of the tallest defenders got on her, Alanna. All Morgan wanted to do was take her town. But she couldn’t, she couldn’t blame Alanna and not Alex.

The ball came in from Megan soaring over her head and heading right to Alex who had Ellie Carpenter on her. They went up together heads together both crumbling down as the ball danced out.

They ruled it as a goal kick but Morgan didn’t care. She saw Alex, still down holding her hands over her head. “Alex!” Morgan was almost sure that it came from her mouth but Alanna was the one who actually said it and Morgan could feel her blood boiling.

 

It took everything she could to at least walk towards Alex, but by the time she got there Alex was up taking a few deep breaths while looking straight at Alana.

_          _          _

Of course, it had to be Alex who scored their game winning goal. It had to be Alex who sent them into the final again. Morgan should have been the first one into Alex’s arms when they won. Now she just wanted to get away from her.

“Morgan.” Alex showed up behind her after they all had to take their time to say goodbyes to their Australian friends. Lexi and Alyssa were with Sam, Lindsey and Sonny were with Raso, and Foord leaving her alone.

“Congratulations, that was a really great goal.” Morgan said simply wiping her hands on her shorts.

“I didn’t have the one person there to celebrate with me.” Alex had her arms crossed as she stared down at Morgan.

“Whatever…” Morgan shrugged. She knew she was being petty but she was still hurt.

“Morgan, can we please talk?” The older women begged. “You have to know I didn’t cheat on you.”

“No!” Morgan finally yelled drawing attention to them. She could see Lexi was about to step forward until Alyssa grabbed her arm. “Don’t do this anymore. I can’t do it.” Morgan said walking into the locker room leaving Alex standing there defeated.

She didn’t see the look Ashlyn shared with Kelley that only said one thing, they _had_ to move this plan forward.

_          _          _

_July 6 th, 2018: 1 day before Final_

“So why do you need my help?” Lexi was leaning against the head rest looking at Ashlyn as she was pacing back and forth.

“Two reasons…” She finally sat down taking a deep breath. “I need you to keep Ali busy for a few hours while I finish decorating… and you like shopping.”

Lexi nodded with a roll of her eyes. “Are you finally growing a pair and asking Ali to marry you?” Ashlyn looked shocked. “You know Alyssa can’t keep anything from me.”

“Please Lexi don’t tell her.” Lexi looked offended at Ashlyn.

“Why would I ruin the perfect proposal?” Lexi laughed wrapping an arm around Ashlyn in a hug. “What’s the next reason?”

“I need you to convince Morgan to forgive Alex.” Lexi instantly pulled away from the older women.

“No! Morgan isn’t going to take back a cheater!” Ashlyn rolled her eyes. “Ashlyn, I can’t I know Alex is your friend but Morgan is mine.”

“I got Alanna and Alex involved in this whole plan. That’s what they were talking. They were finalizing it.” Lexi looked shocked.

“Oh my god, don’t tell me I ruined their relationship.” Lexi sighed shakily.

“No you didn’t… Anyone would have done the same for anyone else on this team.” Ashlyn comforted the girl. “But you can help fix it.”

“Let me have Ali for the day, and I will figure out Morgan and Alex soon I promise.” Lexi promised letting Ashlyn wrap her in a bear hug.

“You are a life saver Lexi.”

_          _          _

“This is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.” Rose said sitting on the rooftop. They had all been there, Australians and USA both to celebrate the brand new proposal. Lexi had kept her promise keeping Ali out for almost the whole day now she was grateful to be spending time with the rest of the team.

“Ashlyn has been planning this forever.” Mal filled in, as she joined them at the high table. “I’m just surprised it took this long for her to finally put a rock on it.”

“No shit.” Lexi rolled her eyes with a laugh.

“Now we just have to wait for Alyssa to put a rock on it.” Lexi laughed loudly at Sammy’s comment.

“Not going to happen for a while.” Lexi added. “We got too much shit to do before we even think about that.”

“Well let us know when it happens.” Morgan popped up behind them joining the group. Lexi sighed shakily wrapping her arms around Morgan in a hug.

“You’ll be the first to know. You’re my best friend.” Lexi said and Morgan laughed hugging her back before Lexi’s phone went off.

“Sorry excuse me.” She separated from the group going to the end of the roof where it was quieter and answering the phone. “Hi Momma.”

“Hi sweetie, we’re currently skyping Ryan, and he said if you had time he wants to skype you.” Lexi felt her heart soar and she was down stairs in a heart beat not bothering to tell the others where she was going.

“Yeah, I’m on my way right now to my room. Tell him I will skype him.” Lexi said before saying her goodbyes to her mother and opening her laptop. Her skype instantly picked up her brothers call and she answered it after the first ring.

“Wow didn’t even ring there little one.” Ryan’s voice calmed Lexi as if she didn’t think that he was even real while he was on deployment.

“I miss you!” Lexi laughed settling under some blankets. “Can you at least tell me how everything’s going?” Lexi knew that Ryan couldn’t tell her much but at least knowing her brother and his squad were okay made her rest a little easy.

“I mean, it’s war. Nothing’s really going. We’re at base here, wherever here is.” Ryan shrugged. “Are you okay?” Ryan finally asked after a moment. “We saw the Brazil game, and you…”

“Ry, I’m fine. I just didn’t get used against Australia.” Lexi explained with a shrug.

“How’s Lyss?” Ryan asked. He had heard the complaining of his stepmom about the fact that the duo was back together after everything Alyssa had put his sister through.  
“She’s… incredible.” Lexi smiled happily thinking about her girlfriend who was upstairs at the roof still. They had been enjoying some time together until Alyssa got pulled away with Becky and a few others leaving Lexi with the other kids.

“I’m so proud of you Lex.” Ryan finally added after a few minutes when they were gearing up to say goodbye.

“I’m proud of you too Ry.” Lexi’s smile fell when there was a commotion on Ryan’s side of the video.

“I love you Lex.” And just like that Ryan was gone.

Lexi should have been used to that, happening since she was 4 years old. She just couldn’t shake the feeling something bad was going to happen.

She didn’t feel like joining the commotion upstairs again, as she got dressed and fell asleep. Dreaming of days where she would never have to worry about generals coming home, instead of Ryan.


	18. believer

_You’re the face of the future_

_July 7 th, 2019: **Final** : USA vs Canada_

“You’re going to break my hand.” Lexi commented as she casted a glance over to the goalie sitting next to her on the bus.

“You don’t need your hands for soccer.” Tobin commented laughing when Lexi turned her head to glare at her fellow forward.

“Christen if your girlfriend doesn’t shut up…” Lexi saw the older women roll her eyes but still slap her girlfriend on the shoulder.

“Sorry…” Alyssa let go of Lexi’s hand looking guilty and Lexi instantly felt bad. This was the first game all world cup that Alyssa had even sat with her and now Lexi felt as if she made her girlfriend feel bad.

“No…” Lexi took Alyssa’s hand tightly. “Keep doing it, I like it when you do.” Alyssa smiled blushing lightly but pressed a kiss to Lexi’s head.

“Starting 11! Jill’s voice carried through the bus. She was doing it early so once they got to Lyon’s stadium they could get right to drills. Lexi zoned out not paying any attention. She only got a start once this game and she was content with that. Especially after her Sweden flub.

“You’re going to do incredible. You’ve only let in 1 goal, and that was by your own teammate and girlfriend.” Alyssa laughed rolling her eyes. “Don’t let Sinclair score and we’ll be fine.”

“I don’t plan on it.” Alyssa looked over at Lexi. “It’s only fitting we’re playing Canada for the final right?”

“I think we got this.” Lexi said confidently. “Look at all the videos we watched of Canada. They’ve gone into PKs every game.”

“Well let’s just hope we don’t have to go into PKs.” Alyssa mumbled but looked over at her girlfriend who had her eyebrows raised. “But yeah… I think we got this too.”

_          _          _

Morgan and Lexi paused from their spot warming up to see Alyssa make another killer save. The score was 1-1 at the 90th minute as they prepared for overtime now. The lone goal from America coming off a Tobin free kick, and the lone goal from Canada coming from none other than Sinclair.

Then, Lexi watched Alex cast a glance over here as the whistle blew. Morgan rolled her eyes, and began walking over to the group to talk with their coach.

“Moe, there’s something I need to tell you.” Lexi finally said after they went back to warming up. She had watched Morgan avoid Alex like the plaque as Alex went back out, the starting 11 minus Ali for Crystal were still out there.

“What Lexi?” Morgan had her arms across her chest.

“You need to promise that you’re not going to be mad at me.” Lexi played with her hands as she tried to avoid the older women’s eyes.

“What did you help Alex cheat on me?” Morgan laughed and Lexi cringed. “Lexi what did you do?”

“Alex wasn’t cheating on you… Ashlyn told me that Alanna was helping with the proposal. That’s why they were so close because they didn’t want anyone to overhear.” Morgan looked confused at first, but then sighed deeply. “I’m so sorry Morgan”

“I’m not mad at you. You were looking out for me and you can get that I would do the same damn thing if I caught Alyssa in the same position.” Morgan wrapped Lexi into a tight hug.

“You need to forgive her Morgan.” Lexi begged once they pulled apart. “She loves you so much, and she’s not the same.”

A few moments of silence passed between the duo. “And I think you’re my only shot of being a bridesmaid.”

Morgan laughed loudly slapping her shoulder. “Come on let’s keep warming up before Jill yells at us.”

_          _          _

115th minute, 5 more minutes to score another goal. They were not going into PKs. The 4th ref held up the sign, 12 for 22. Lexi for Danny who got the starting position once Rose became injured.

“You got this little one.” Danny hugged her before Lexi sprinted onto the field switching with Tobin so the older women was now in a midfield role and the younger was in a forward role.

Then the sign went up again, 10 for 9. Carli for Lindsey just in case of PKs. Cheers erupted across the stadium as Alex ran up to the older women sliding the captain’s armband over her arm.

Everyone knew what this was, Carli’s last world cup.

“Tighten up ladies!” Carli yelled out ending the nostalgia where it began, they were not getting distracted, not under her watch.

_          _          _

“Come on Lexi! Keep going!” Megan called out as she kept up with the younger women. Lexi had the ball at her feet getting stuck in a one on one with Quinn.

She took a deep breath, and faked as if she was going one way but took off the other way, ending up one on one with Steph.

She veered off the side seeing Megan was being marked by another Canadian defender and Alex was still coming up. She had no choice. She kicked it left and it looked as if it was going to miss.

But it didn’t.

The ball crossed the line, and hit the net.

2-1.

All Lexi can remember is being tackled by her teammates as cheers deafened her.

This had to be enough.

It just had to be.

_          _          _

As soon as the whistle blew, cheers thundered across the stadium. The team charged the field, and everyone had someone they wanted to see.

The first person Ashlyn reached was Ali, who was cheering with Becky. “Baby!” Ali happily cried out wrapping her arms tightly around the goalie. “We did it!”

“Two stars together ain’t so bad huh?” Ashlyn laughed as she tightened her hold on the defenders waist.

“We almost didn’t think we would be doing together.” Ali could feel happy tears forming in her eyes as she squeezed Ashlyn as tight as possible.

“Well we did, we’re doing it engaged.”

_          _          _

The first person Christen got to was Tobin who met the woman halfway and allowed her to leap into her arms not caring about the fans surrounding them.

They felt on top of the world and nothing even ‘rumors’ of Preath could stop them from being together. “You did it baby.” Christen mumbled into Tobin’s neck.

“We did it…” Christen shook her head.

“No, you did. I’m so proud of you. You played incredible this whole tournament.” Christen said as she hopped down running her fingers through Tobin’s wet hair. “I’m so proud to be your girlfriend.”

“4 years ago, you wouldn’t even admit you were my girlfriend.” Christen blushed looking away from Tobin with a laugh.

“Well now I am, so hush your mouth.” Tobin hugged her again tightly before the duo was interrupted by Kelley attacking them.

Before Kelley had come up with the idea to attack her teammate she had looked over at the coaches all celebrating before joining the players. Her eye contact with Hope said everything they needed to: _they would celebrate later._

_          _          _

The first person Morgan got to was Lexi hugging her tightly before the younger women could reach the goalie. “Amazing! I’m watching a sports movie! That’s how incredible you are.”

“Shut up.” Lexi laughed before looking over Morgan’s shoulder were Alex was shaking hands with Shelina and was finally alone. “Morgan go talk to her.”

Morgan turned around taking a deep breath. “You’re the best Lexi. What would I do without you?”

“Go!” Lexi pushed her with a laugh.

Morgan quickly approached Alex and before the older women could say anything she threw her arms around her. “I love you.” Alex mumbled into Morgan’s hair.

“I love you too. Lexi told me everything was a huge misunderstanding.” Morgan mumbled into Alex’s shoulder.

“God I was such an idiot to think you would ever hurt me.” Morgan added causing Alex to finally laugh. “Stop!”

“I’m sorry baby it’s not funny, I just… I would think the same shit if I saw you with Lydia.”

Morgan leaned up pressing a soft kiss to Alex’s lips. “We’re world champions again baby.”

“And we did it together.”

_          _          _

By the time Lexi was finally able to make her way down the field Alyssa was finished with talking to Hope, Ashlyn and Aubrey. When the goalkeeper finally saw the younger girl a smile spread across both of their faces.

“You did incredible baby! 2 goals this whole tournament!” Lexi happily said once she reached Alyssa!

“And you? 3 goals for your first world cup, that’s huge!” Alyssa argued but pulled Lexi close. “Ryan is so proud of you right now.” Lexi looked up smiling at Alyssa.

“We have our whole lives in front of us, now this world cup.” Lexi shrugged pressing a kiss to Alyssa’s lips.

“It’s just the beginning.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this story will be winding down soon. and this will be the end of Alyssa and Lexi's story. However, after this and I get some more of love of a lifetime posted, I will be posting one-shots of not only Alyssa and Lexi but Alex and Morgan too. We will probably one have 3 or 4 more chapters until this story is over.


	19. letters from war

_make it home, make it safe_

The last 2 weeks had flown by for Lexi. As winners, they had countless interviews, parades, meet and greets that was required of them. At least she was doing it with the people she loved.

She found herself staying in the same hotel room as Alyssa the whole time they were travelling, and she had been avoiding Morgan like the plague since the first stop of their victory meetings.

Clearly, she couldn’t avoid her anymore as she sat down next to her on the way to the hotel in North Carolina, where the 1st game of the Victory tour would begin. “We talk about everything so I don’t know why your avoiding me.” Morgan said as soon as she sat down.

Lexi shrugged, but she knew Morgan was right. Since New York City Lexi had been avoiding Morgan in any way she could. Completely different from the time they had spent in France.

“You asked me if I was going to move in with Alyssa when we got to Chicago.” Lexi finally admitted. “And it freaked me out.”

“Well are you?” Lexi looked over at Morgan taking a deep sigh.

“I don’t know. We haven’t talked about it.” Lexi admitted with a shrug. “And I know last time sucked… but I don’t know.”

“I think you’re more mature, and you both know what its’ like to lose each other now.” Morgan offered to try and relax her best friend. “If there’s ever a couple who can make this work, it’s you two.”

Lexi blushed leaning her head against Morgan’s shoulder. “How would I survive anything without you?”

“Good thing you’ll never have to find out.”

_          _          _

“How far are we from Fort Bragg?” Alyssa asked as Lexi was getting changed for dinner. Lexi looked confused over at Alyssa as she slipped the dress on.

“Uh? I think like an hour.” Lexi grabbed her brothers dog tags from her bag slipping them around her neck and under her dress. “That’s why Ry came when we played the Courage… Why?”

“Just saw some military guys in the lobby wasn’t sure how close we were to the base.” Alyssa explained shrugging, grabbing onto Lexi’s hand when she saw Lexi sigh and look down.

“Come here.” Alyssa pulled the younger women down onto her lap. “I don’t have to tell you how proud Ryan is of you.”

“We just haven’t heard from him in a while.” Lexi shrugged leaning her head against Alyssa’s shoulder enjoying the feeling of her girlfriend rubbing circles on her back.

“You heard from him right before the final right?” Alyssa asked and Lexi nodded.

“I’m sure he’s okay… I just always worry.” Alyssa nodded pressing a soft kiss to her girlfriend’s head.

“Come on, let’s go to dinner and then after we’ll come back up here and relax.” Alyssa helped Lexi to stand up.

“Can I move in with you?” Lexi asked before they left the room. Alyssa turned around with a smile on her face.

She closed the distance between the younger girl to capture her lips in a heated kiss tangling her fingers into her hair. “God yes, baby.” Alyssa pressed a kiss to her forehead before pulling away leaving Lexi with a flushed face.

“Now… let’s go to dinner.”

_          _          _

“Oh my god!” Lexi quickly stood up with a laugh alongside Kelley both who ended up with water all of their laps when Sonnett had thrown a roll at Morgan.

Morgan’s sudden movement had knocked the two glasses of water all over the defender and forward soaking Kelley’s jeans and Lexi’s dress.

“God damn it Morgan!” Kelley laughed shoving the midfielder playfully.

Lexi was still laughing bending over, her hand resting on Mal’s shoulder losing it. “You’re gonna kill our star! Was this all Alex’s plan?” Kelley added now causing Morgan to join in on the laughter.

“Stop! Stop!” Lexi finally got out as she finally settled down standing up. “Oh my god.” She took a deep breath as Mal handed her a pile of napkins so she could dry off the seat, and so could Kelley and they joined the table again.

Morgan was still laughing now leaning into Alex who as sitting on the other side of her. “You’re killing my girlfriend!” Alex joked down the table pressing a kiss to Morgan’s head.

“No! Not my best friend!” Lexi called over, when she turned to see Alyssa go out to the back patio. “I’ll be back.” She mumbled to Mal disappearing from the table.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Lexi asked joining Alyssa out at the railing so her back was against the railing.

“I don’t know. It just feels like this is the first time I’ve had time to breathe since the tournament.” Alyssa reasoned. “And I think I know what Hope was going through after the last one, and if this keeps up I don’t blame her for freaking out.”

Lexi sighed leaning her head against Alyssa’s shoulder. She hadn’t even thought of Alyssa getting the golden glove, and its effects it would have on her girlfriend. “Jill’s benching me tomorrow…”

Lexi looked confused. “I thought she said she was playing you.” Lexi rubbed her girlfriends back gently.

“I asked her to bench me. I’ve been too into my head, and I don’t want to lose the first game of our victory tour.” Alyssa ran her fingers through her hair. “Aubrey’s getting the start, her 2nd cap and she deserves it.”

“Baby…” Lexi leaned in pressing a kiss to her girlfriends cheek, when the door the patio opened separating them.

“C’mon lovebirds.” Sonney joked. “Foods here.”

_          _          _

As soon as Lexi got off the bus, she could feel the tension in the parking lot. Most of the players had paused with confusion taking in the sight in front of them. The coaches were talking outside of the hotel looking back and fourth towards the bus and instantly stopping when Lexi got off.

The laughing at the restaurant was gone left behind.

Lexi was waved over to the coaches, Hope meeting her halfway. “What’s going on?” She asked but Hope ignored her directing her to the middle of the coaches.

At least, Hope tried to get her into the middle of the coaches.

Lexi had looked into the hotel. Her mom and dad were standing in the lobby with both of her sisters.

They all had tear stained faces.

Standing to the side of them, were two military men in fatigues.

“No… no no no.” Lexi choked out her hands instantly shaking at her side. “No!” She finally yelled causing the attention of all her teammates who finally started to realize something wasn’t right.

Lexi broke away from Hope sprinting into the hotel and right into her dad’s arms who had heard her yell from outside.

“No… It’s not true, it’s not true.” She cried finally letting sobs rake her body.

This couldn’t be happening, was the only thought that crossed her mind


	20. just a dream

_she held on to all she had left of him_

_(Flashback)_

“Incredible! The USA has defeated Germany! They are going to either face Japan or England wh play tomorrow!!” The announcer called out, as 18-year-old Lexi started jumping around the bar in Cedar.

“They’re going to be in Vancouver! Dad did you hear that?” Lexi was bouncing on the edge of the bar using her arms to push herself up over and over again.

“You need to settle down.” Her dad couldn’t help but smile at his daughter, who had been begging for USA tickets since they qualified. They just couldn’t afford it.

“Look who I have back from PT.” Lexi smiled turning to face the door where her mom walked in with her brother who was still using a cane after a back injury that had kept him out of the military for the time being.

“Ry, you got a letter from work.” Her dad handed him the letter getting out the usual dishrag to begin wiping some glasses down.

“Ry! The USA is going to the final!” Lexi slid next to her brother who opened the check and laughed.

“That’s awesome little one.”  Ryan ruffled her hair as he read through the letter.

“Abby Wambach is 3 hours away from me!” Lexi began to jump around again, and Ryan grinned looking at the piece of paper in his hand and then back at his sister.

“Hey sweets.” Ryan said causing Lexi to turn around quickly. “About a trip to BC place?”

_(Present Time)_

“What happened?” Lexi’s father asked. He was standing up in the conference room at the hotel in front of the soldiers.

Lexi was curled up into one of the chairs a blanket wrapped around her. She felt numb like someone stole the joy and enjoyment from these past few weeks in the span of a second.

“His base was attacked. We’ve been identifying those dead for about 2 weeks.” Lexi stood up almost sprinting across the room to throw up in the trash can. Kenzie went to her instantly rubbing her back gently.

“Sweetie…” Amy took a step forward, but her daughter was already standing up and walking with shaky legs back to the table.

“I heard it happen…” Lexi said after finally finding her voice. Everything was flashing before her eyes, the ringing of the skype call, the way her brothers eyes lit up when he saw her, saying he was proud of her… the look of panic when he heard the commotion outside of the computer rooms.

“A group of extremist suicide bombers charged their base. There were no survivors.” The other solider, an older man, explained. “Your brother and son was an incredible solider, and an incredible man.”

“Don’t say that.” Lexi finally commented.

“Alexis.” Her father hushed her.

“They don’t know him.” She critiqued. “They don’t know him as a man. They only know him as a solider.”

“We’re used to it sir. People handle their grief in different ways.” The younger man said.  
“I’m at work. This was told me at my job when I have a game tomorrow.” Lexi tried to reason but she knew her parents came down here specifically so she could know.

“We figured you would come home back to Cedar. We’re going to need to plan the funeral and we want you apart of it.” Lexi sighed rubbing her face with her hands.

“This is my job… I just cant…”

“Your coach already approved it, it’s up to you.” Amy said causing Lexi to groan.

“I want to play this game. I want to invite his friends from Bragg.” Lexi said simply standing up and wrapping the blanket tighter around her.

“I’m going to go up to my room.” She said and much to her whole familys dismay she left the room heading straight for safety, security and the only people who could prove that she could get through anything.

_          _          _

Morgan, Kelley, Ali, Alex, Christen, Julie and Tobin were all in her and Alyssa’s room when she got up there. Lexi paused as soon as she opened the door taking in the scene. The group of 7 were all sitting on one bed and Alyssa was sitting on the bed they had been planning on sharing that night.

Lexi went instantly into Alyssas arm sobbing into her chest her whole body shaking. “He’s gone.” She cried. “He’s just gone!”

“Sh baby it’ll be okay…” Alyssa rubbed Lexi’s back, as her sobs gently turned down to a whimper. Once her girlfriend settled down, she adjusted the position so Lexi was sitting on her lap.

“Lex…” Morgan was the first one to speak after a few moments of silence, only broken up by Lexi’s hiccups.

Lexi seemed to realize others were in the room, wiping her face instantly trying to pull herself together. “We’re so sorry…” Christen said.

“I can’t believe he’s gone. He told me he was going to be fine…” A look of realization seemed to cross Lexi’s face. “He didn’t even see the final.”

“Hey…” Julie stood up rubbing Lexi’s back gently as she cried into Alyssa’s shoulder. “Tell us good memories.”

Lexi looked confused at Julie. “Anything that is a good memory of Ryan. We’ll listen. As long as you need us.”

Lexi took a deep breath, she couldn’t think about anything. Except for one.

_(Flashback)_

“Oh my god… Oh my god!” Lexi was jumping up and down causing Ryan who was sitting down to laugh. “Yes! USA USA USA!” Lexi joined in with the other chants as Tobin Heath scored running to tackle Morgan Brian in a celebration. “She’s only 4 years older than me!”

“Are you sure you didn’t grow up in the US? You seem like it.” Ryan laughed but Lexi wasn’t focusing her eyes dancing across the field. 5-2.

Only 25 minutes later, Lexi was freaking out again staring down at the 4th referee. “It’s Abby Wambach! Ryan it’s Abby Wambach!”

“Yes, I see sweets.” Ryan rolled his eyes but he was too busy snapping pictures of his sister living her dream.

“She’s my hero!” She called out as Carli Lloyd handed Abby the captains armband pulling it on to the older women’s arm.

“I can’t believe I’m seeing her in real life.” Lexi could feel tears coming to her eyes. “Ryan thank you so much.” She mumbled hugging her brother tightly.

And then 13 minutes later… the whistle blew and the cheers were deafening to Lexi, she could imagine what it would be like to be down there.

“Let’s wait a bit.” Ryan commented. “I can’t move as fast as usual and it’ll give us some time to avoid the traffic.”

“Okay.” Lexi was still standing up watching the girls walking around some taking pictures with fans some just standing around talking.

“I can’t believe I got to see you all.” She commented to only herself. She was searching the field pausing when she saw Hope Solo with Ashlyn Harris, and Alyssa Naeher. “God Hope Solo.” She commented when the goalies separated.

She wasn’t 100% sure, but she had seen Alyssa look over at where she was sitting and could of sworn they made eye contact, especially when she saw the backup goalie wave.

_(Present Time)_

They hadn’t realized shortly after the story that Lexi finally fell asleep, Alyssa laying her down so her head was on the pillow. “Did you see her?” Morgan asked, as she was standing right on the other side of the door.

Alyssa looked back to her sleeping girlfriend. “I couldn’t tell you… but maybe, maybe even then we were meant to be together.”

“You guys are meant to be together.” Morgan smiled up at the goalie. “Take care of her, she’s going to be a mess tomorrow when she wakes up and it’s not all a dream.”

“I will, I might need to call you if she needs someone else.” Alyssa explained.

“I’ll have my phone on loud if you need me.” Morgan waved goodbye as Alyssa shut the door. She turned to look at her sleeping girlfriend. She had to find a way to help her.


	21. been here all along

_You're still there for me, wherever there might be_

 

Lexi grabbed onto the flimsy fabric of the armband as if she was afraid it’d break. It was a camo armband that every player would be wearing for Lexi’s brother. There was only one difference with Lexi’s armband.

The bold white all capital CAPTAIN spelled across the armband. Lexi had freaked out when she saw it.

Jill had made a point though, the people coming here were all people who knew Ryan, who missed him and could all rally around a common friend.

“I don’t think I can do this.” Lexi finally mumbled once she was dressed. She wasn’t speaking out loud to anyone in fact she was the only one in the room, everyone else already having dressed and waiting in line. Waiting for her to lead them out.

Jill had played the people that she knew Lexi needed for this hard time. Morgan, Julie, Christen, Kelley, Ali… even Alyssa was in goal, even though she didn’t want to be.

Lexi sighed finally pulling the armband over her arm. One last thing: she thought reaching into the locker to grab the dog tags. She slipped the tags under her jersey, and took a final deep breath.

“Lex! We need you to lead us out.” Christen poked her head in taking in the sad sight of Lexi in front of her locker. “C’mon Cap.”

Lexi followed Christen out and she continued to the front of the line. She allowed her hand to brush Alyssa’s who looked up with a sad smile at her.

“Sorry.” She mumbled to the England captain, Steph Houghton. England was the first one they would face.

“Love breaks through soccer.” The England captain smiled over at her reaching out for the young girls hand.

Lexi took it thankfully.

_          _          _

It was halftime, and a tough game. The offense, of Christen Alex and Lexi, couldn’t seem to break through the England defense. “During halftime, we will honor the fallen soldiers of the US Marines. We are pleased to have Marines from Fort Bragg here with us today.”

Lexi was standing with her sisters and her parents refusing to budge from her family’s side, refusing to go back to the locker room.

“We have a connection today.” The head of US Soccer said into the microphone as Marines lined up on either side of him. “Lexi Humphrey please come here with your family.”

Lexi took a shaky breath wiling her body to move but she couldn’t she wouldn’t. “Come on Sissy.” Kayla pulled on her arm steering her down the line until they reached the head.

“On behalf of US Soccer we extend our sorrow for the loss of your brother.” Lexi smiled and nodded slowly shaking the man’s hand.

The rest of his speech went by quickly. By the time he was done the rest of the team was out on the sidelines. The head of USSF, handed over the microphone to Sargent Denton who had been in charge of Ryan’s brigade.

“Lexi, I had the privilege of watching you grow up first as your brothers partner, and then as his Sargent. I do have news for you… there was one survivor of the suicide bombings and it’s someone that your brother would want you to have.” Lexi looked nervously at the man. “Let him go.” He said and then all of a sudden there was a barking as a dog sprinted across the field.

“Zeke! Zekie boy!” Lexi fell to the ground letting the dog sprint to her tackling her to the ground licking her face constantly.

Kayla and Kenzie all covered him with pets, and kisses as he took turns going to the trio all who held a common smell of his former owner. “He’s all yours Lexi.” Sargent Denton said as applause range loudly through Sahlen’s Stadium.

_          _          _

“Lexi! Get on it!” Christen passed the through ball to Lexi who collected it at her feet. She held it for only a moment before shooting it as it sailed right through the goalies hands hitting the back of the net powerfully.

The cheers were deafening, as Lexi shot into Christens arms who spun her around in a circle. She could feel the moisture from Lexi’s tears soaking into her jersey but she didn’t care.

Morgan was the next to the duo, and then there was a pile of everybody all hugging her tightly. The only one who didn’t reach her was Alyssa who was cheering on the other side, but knew to keep her distance from the girl.

“He’d be so proud of you Lexi…” Morgan mumbled squeezing extra tightly after the celebration was over. She reached up wiping some remaining tears from her best friends face. “We are all so proud of you.”

“Alright girls! Line up let’s keep it up!” Alex yelled gathering everyone’s thoughts back to the game and Lexi was thankful for it. No one was watching her now that the US was up one. No one was ready for her to break.

_          _          _

Lexi ended up coming out for Carli, she came out to a standing ovation.

She passed the captains arm band off to the older women.

She went into the locker room.

And she broke down.

_          _          _

“Call us when you get home okay?” Morgan asked as Lexi was being enveloped in Alyssa’s arms. They were about to go their separate ways. The national team was heading to St. Louis, Lexi was heading back to Cedar.

After the game, the girls had a day of recovery, and a free day before heading out. Lexi spent both days cleaning out her brother’s home at Fort Bragg.

“I will, and I’ll give you a hug if this one ever lets me go.” Lexi mumbled into Alyssa’s shoulder, but she was enjoying being in the older women’s arms.

She knew she wouldn’t be back in Chicago, in her girlfriends arms for a few weeks.

“Sorry…” Alyssa mumbled finally releasing Lexi so she could get hugs from Morgan, Christen and Julie all who had gathered together in the airport.

“Lex…” Her father spoke after she was done saying her goodbyes. “Our plane is getting ready to board.”

“We’ll see you soon, okay?” Morgan asked rubbing Lexi’s back when she could see the girl start to breath heavily.

“Hey…” Alyssa wrapped the girl back into her arms. “You’ll be in Chicago before you know it.”

“Yeah…” Lexi pulled away rubbing her eyes to try and stop herself from crying. “I’ll see you guys in Chicago.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we just have the epilogue left after this! i'm so thankful for all the support i've gotten on this work, but don't worry if you like this story. eventually, i'm going to be writing one shots for alyssa and lexi from moments in their future. next chapter should be up soon


	22. most people are good (epilogue)

“most Friday nights look better under neon or stadium lights”

“Here we are Dalen. Finally at Audi Field for the 2019 NWSL championship. It’s hard to believe that when this year started, the Washington Spirit were playing at the Maryland SoccerPlex still.”

Lexi turned her head in the locker room as she finished getting ready for the championship. The second year in the row that the Chicago Red Stars had gone to the final. This year they had a very different opponent.

The Orlando Pride.

Morgan groaned as she checked her phone again. “Do you know how hard it is for us to get Alex’s parents and my parents in the same area? They’re both here but on opposite sides of the stadium.”

“Trust me, I get it.” Lexi nodded as she began to braid her hair. “My parents came in from Canada but Alyssa’s couldn’t come in from Mass.”

“That’s insane. Have they ever met?” Nikki looked over from the other side of the locker room, where Alyssa shook her head next to her.

“Lexi just met my parents.”

“Yeah you’ve been hiding me.”  
“Oh here we go again.” Alyssa rolled her eyes, as Lexi hopped over to her setting a soft kiss on Alyssa’s lips.

“And I still haven’t met her sister.” Lexi commented squealing when Alyssa wrapped her arms around Lexi’s waist and spun her around.

“Ladies!” Coach Dames voice came through the locker room stopping the fun. “Time to line up. Let’s make it two.”

Lexi took a quick glance over at Morgan, and took a shaky breath. How was she supposed to focus on the game, when she knew what was happening after?

_          _          _

Chicago didn’t make it two.

That’s not what Lexi cared about though. She had just saw Alex go back over to the Orlando bench and grab something from the assistance coach.

“It sucks that one of us had to lose.” Alex came up wrapping an arm around Morgan who was standing with Lexi and Dani Weatherholt who had each other’s jerseys in hand.

The NWSL had adopted the post-game jersey switch after the world cup, when the women would each have one player who switched a jersey with a player. Lexi had switched jerseys with Chloe Logarzo following the Australia game.

“Well I’m glad you got to win.” Morgan leaned up to kiss Alex who tugged on Morgan’s jersey.

“Switch jerseys with me.” Alex mumbled causing Morgan to roll her eyes, but still took her girlfriends Orlando jersey, and gave her the Chicago one.

Lexi shared a knowing look with Dani.

By the time, Morgan had the Orlando jersey over her head, Alex was in front of her on one knee holding a ring box.

The first reaction that Morgan had was to turn to look at Lexi. “Did you know?!”

“Would you answer her before you interrogate me?” Lexi laughed as Morgan turned back to Alex.

“I’m not taking your last name.” Morgan and Alex both shared a laugh, knowing they had discussed it almost every day since they started dating.

“I’m not asking you to. I’m asking you be mine forever.” Alex said opening the ring box, and exposing a simple rose gold band with a small diamond in the center.

“Alex…” Morgan had tears forming in her eyes, and now Chicago and Orlando players were coming around her. “Of course I’ll marry you…”

Alex slipped the ring on Morgan’s finger pulling her into a deep kiss. “I love you so much.” Alex mumbled against Morgan’s lips.

“Alex!” Ashlyn pulled on the forwards shoulder. “We have to go get our medals! Champions baby!” Ali rolled her eyes but still pulled Alex with the duo.

Morgan turned around smacking Lexi repeatedly on the shoulder. “You knew!”

“Of course I did! Who do you think helped her pick up the ring?” Lexi grabbed Morgans hand to examine the ring. “I think I did a pretty good job.”

“Shut up, you suck so bad.” Morgan still wrapped her arms tightly around Lexi. “My best friend.”

“Can I steal my girlfriend?” Alyssa commented wrapping her arms around Lexi’s waist as Morgan nodded running over to the other Red Stars who oohed and ahhed at the ring.

“Do you want one of those?” Alyssa mumbled after a few moments of holding onto Lexi tight trying to keep her close and chase out what happened in the championship.

“I mean, eventually yeah.” Lexi mumbled as well. “But we’re good where we are.”

“I’m not going to make you wait 8 years like a certain goalkeeper.” Alyssa casted her look towards where Ali and Ashlyn were now talking with Alanna, and Toni.

“I’m just happy right now Lyss… We’re living together in Chicago. We’re both on the national team, and on the 2nd best team in the NWSL.” Lexi listed counting on her fingers as Alyssa held her close.

“And we have a cute dog.” Alyssa added. Zeke was staying with them in Chicago, and was currently staying in Chicago with Arin who missed this season when her and her husband found out they were expecting.

“We have an amazingly cute dog.” Lexi added back.

“Somehow you managed to still weasel a dog into the apartment.” Alyssa laughed pressing a soft kiss to Lexi’s head.

“Everything is perfect for us Lyss… It’ll always be perfect for us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is the end of the story, like i said before eventually i'll write some one shots. right now though it's time for me to continue some current projects and start some news ones. hope you've enjoyed lexi and alyssa's story.


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